Sunday, June 12, 2005
Musings on Star Wars
Simply put, George Lucas is a jackass. But I think we've already covered this. Still, that's pretty much what Episode III proved to me. And not because I think it was a horrible movie. But, rather, it confirms him as a raging egomaniac who knows how to create a compelling plot, with complex themes, but not how to tell a story. And, honestly, that's what movies are all about: Telling stories.
We were invited out to see Episode III, and decided to go for it. We originally had no intention of seeing it in the theaters - we laughed our asses off at Episode II at home, and were damn glad we didn't pay 10 bucks apiece for that piece of garbage. But the reviews for III weren't that bad, and we didn't want to be antisocial, so we went for it. Personally, I don't like to give Lucas any of my money, but it's tough to be morally consistent all the time.
And, for the first time in a long time, I actually enjoyed a Star Wars movie in the theater. (Probably the last time that happened was when the first 3 were re-released in the theaters, with the "new" footage.) But the positives of this one really just underscored the shortcomings of the previous two. Honestly, I don't think it was good moviemaking. He was just coasting off of the quality of the previously-developed characters. But still, those characters and their resonance gave important to all of the events that transpired in Episode III. And that's exactly what was missing from the first two - relevance.
The events of Episode I and II were so far removed from Episodes IV-VI that they just didn't matter. It didn't have to be that way. If Lucas had a smidgen of talent left, he would have figured out a way to create a compelling story line in the first trilogy. But he was so enamored of his little world that he thought the audience would care about minutiae. Think about what happens in Episode I. Pretty much nothing. Compare it to the grand significance of "saving the galaxy from evil", or the excitement of "a small rebellion fighting against a dominant galactic empire". Episode I is about some boring galactic politics and a small planet that we don't care about. Episode II is about some boring galactic politics and, well, something else that I don't remember.
I can tell you what happens in the Episodes IV-VI and why it's important. I saw Episode II less than two years ago, and honestly have no clue. Episode III was compelling. You could see how these events were important. How they led to the rise of the Empire. It gave the whole movie an ominous undertone, and made you care about the characters, which is something that Lucas has clearly proved that he is no longer capable of on his own. And you know, it was fine. It made for an entertaining movie.
So, why is Lucas a jackass? Because Episode III renders the first two completely unnecessary. This would have been entirely sufficient, and provided some nice "closure" (pre-closure?) to the whole series. I didn't need to know a whole movie to find out where Anakin came from, and another movie to see Anakin and Padme fall in love, or whatever emotion it was they were supposed to be expressing. Summarize that in 5 minutes of exposition at the beginning, and move on. As Keith Phipps of the Onion A.V. Club said, "And though Sith finally finds some life in the old saga, was it worth it in the end? Did we have to go through all that to get back where we began?"
Of course, there are other glaring flaws that I'd be remiss if I didn't mention. Much has been written about the dialogue, and most of it's dead-on. He never could write dialogue, and it's not that easy to overlook. The more laughable lines completely break off any suspension of disbelief I might have achieved. Reviewers just accept this as a given, but it's pretty unforgivable. He basically writes as though he takes the Star Wars world way too seriously. Han Solo was able to inject a sense of humor into the original trilogy. Here, Lucas is reduced to using R2D2 for comic relief.
Also, much has been made about Lucas's revolutionary special effects. But (and I'm not the first one to say this), he has basically taken the "special" out of the effects. There's way too much going on the screen to focus on any of it. He didn't used to do this, but now he seems to have something to prove. Also, in his efforts to use more and more effects, he's rendered the screen "flat". I don't know what it is, but even the best digital effects lack some "life". Compare Episode III to some of the battles in the original trilogy, and I think even though some of the effects may be look outdated, they'll also seem more visceral. Furthermore, for the most part, you can tell almost exactly what's going on. The end of Episode IV is a great example of this. Basically, he used to do a lot more with a lot less. Compare General Grievous to Boba Fett. Who was cooler?
So, that's about it. I had a good time at Episode III. It was interesting (although somewhat implausible at times) to see how Anakin became Darth Vader. Ewan MacGregor and Ian McDiarmid held the acting together enough to not make me completely fall over laughing. Although, I gotta say, that stupid squeaking beast the Obi-Wan rode looked and sounded terrible. Really, it was cringe-inducing.
We know why the first two were made: To fulfill Lucas's ego and to line his pockets. It was pretty savvy from a business standpoint. But imagine if Lucas had only made Episode III and that was it. What would your opinion of him be? I imagine it would be pretty high up there. But not, he's just an egomaniacal, greedy, two-bit hack. Was your reputation worth it, George?
We were invited out to see Episode III, and decided to go for it. We originally had no intention of seeing it in the theaters - we laughed our asses off at Episode II at home, and were damn glad we didn't pay 10 bucks apiece for that piece of garbage. But the reviews for III weren't that bad, and we didn't want to be antisocial, so we went for it. Personally, I don't like to give Lucas any of my money, but it's tough to be morally consistent all the time.
And, for the first time in a long time, I actually enjoyed a Star Wars movie in the theater. (Probably the last time that happened was when the first 3 were re-released in the theaters, with the "new" footage.) But the positives of this one really just underscored the shortcomings of the previous two. Honestly, I don't think it was good moviemaking. He was just coasting off of the quality of the previously-developed characters. But still, those characters and their resonance gave important to all of the events that transpired in Episode III. And that's exactly what was missing from the first two - relevance.
The events of Episode I and II were so far removed from Episodes IV-VI that they just didn't matter. It didn't have to be that way. If Lucas had a smidgen of talent left, he would have figured out a way to create a compelling story line in the first trilogy. But he was so enamored of his little world that he thought the audience would care about minutiae. Think about what happens in Episode I. Pretty much nothing. Compare it to the grand significance of "saving the galaxy from evil", or the excitement of "a small rebellion fighting against a dominant galactic empire". Episode I is about some boring galactic politics and a small planet that we don't care about. Episode II is about some boring galactic politics and, well, something else that I don't remember.
I can tell you what happens in the Episodes IV-VI and why it's important. I saw Episode II less than two years ago, and honestly have no clue. Episode III was compelling. You could see how these events were important. How they led to the rise of the Empire. It gave the whole movie an ominous undertone, and made you care about the characters, which is something that Lucas has clearly proved that he is no longer capable of on his own. And you know, it was fine. It made for an entertaining movie.
So, why is Lucas a jackass? Because Episode III renders the first two completely unnecessary. This would have been entirely sufficient, and provided some nice "closure" (pre-closure?) to the whole series. I didn't need to know a whole movie to find out where Anakin came from, and another movie to see Anakin and Padme fall in love, or whatever emotion it was they were supposed to be expressing. Summarize that in 5 minutes of exposition at the beginning, and move on. As Keith Phipps of the Onion A.V. Club said, "And though Sith finally finds some life in the old saga, was it worth it in the end? Did we have to go through all that to get back where we began?"
Of course, there are other glaring flaws that I'd be remiss if I didn't mention. Much has been written about the dialogue, and most of it's dead-on. He never could write dialogue, and it's not that easy to overlook. The more laughable lines completely break off any suspension of disbelief I might have achieved. Reviewers just accept this as a given, but it's pretty unforgivable. He basically writes as though he takes the Star Wars world way too seriously. Han Solo was able to inject a sense of humor into the original trilogy. Here, Lucas is reduced to using R2D2 for comic relief.
Also, much has been made about Lucas's revolutionary special effects. But (and I'm not the first one to say this), he has basically taken the "special" out of the effects. There's way too much going on the screen to focus on any of it. He didn't used to do this, but now he seems to have something to prove. Also, in his efforts to use more and more effects, he's rendered the screen "flat". I don't know what it is, but even the best digital effects lack some "life". Compare Episode III to some of the battles in the original trilogy, and I think even though some of the effects may be look outdated, they'll also seem more visceral. Furthermore, for the most part, you can tell almost exactly what's going on. The end of Episode IV is a great example of this. Basically, he used to do a lot more with a lot less. Compare General Grievous to Boba Fett. Who was cooler?
So, that's about it. I had a good time at Episode III. It was interesting (although somewhat implausible at times) to see how Anakin became Darth Vader. Ewan MacGregor and Ian McDiarmid held the acting together enough to not make me completely fall over laughing. Although, I gotta say, that stupid squeaking beast the Obi-Wan rode looked and sounded terrible. Really, it was cringe-inducing.
We know why the first two were made: To fulfill Lucas's ego and to line his pockets. It was pretty savvy from a business standpoint. But imagine if Lucas had only made Episode III and that was it. What would your opinion of him be? I imagine it would be pretty high up there. But not, he's just an egomaniacal, greedy, two-bit hack. Was your reputation worth it, George?
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Wiffle Golf
Last weekend, Sam and I visited her sister Tami, and brother-in-law Klaas. Before I launch into the main point of this post, I have an extended aside. Klaas and I were trying to determine if we were about to become brothers-in-law (brother-in-laws? eh, who cares?). I think we decided that we were, even though the relationship is Dave-married to Sam-sister of Tami-married to Klaas. That's three connections, two marriages, and one sibling. That's fine, I can live with that. Klaas is cool. But what about my brother Mike, and Sam's sister Tami? The relationship there is somewhat similar. Mike-brother of Dave-married to Sam-sister of Tami. Also three connections, but only one marriage, and two siblings. We decided that Mike and Tami are not brother/sister-in-law. But it seems kind of arbitrary. Don't get me started on "removed" cousins.
Back to the topic at hand. One of Klaas's good high school friends hosts an annual golf tournament. But it's not any type of golf tournament: As you might have gathered from the title of the post, it's a wiffle golf tournament. To this guy, whose name is Ray, Memorial Day Weekend is an annual event. Every year for the past ten, he has mowed an 18-hole golf course into his parents' lawn. It's not THAT big a yard, although it is sizeable, but placing 18 holes takes a lot of planning. He mows fairways, designates the driveways as "water hazards", and even had to have his mother yell at a neighbor NOT to mow his lawn, because the course spills over into his yard and Ray didn't want the course to be screwed up. He has custom-made flags, and carries a stick around with him to each flag because he doesn't actually dig holes into the ground. If you get the ball within the stick radius, it's in.
If this sounds moderately crazy to you, well, you're wrong. It's EXTREMELY crazy. This is a big deal to Ray, and it seems that Klaas and his other friends humor him each year. His parents were selling the house this year, so it was an even bigger to-do, as this would mark the last year that the tournament would be held at this location. (I think they're all counting on Ray to find a way to mow another course into whatever yard his parents have in their new location. God only knows what he'll do if they decide to purchase an apartment in Manhattan. Maybe he'll rent Central Park.) So, since we were visiting Klaas and Tami that weekend, and Klaas didn't want to let Ray down, we went along. Of course, it was a "guys only" event, so even though I'm not a golfer, I went with Klaas, and Tami and Sam went and did girlie things, I guess.
Actually, the "I'm not a golfer" sentence is an understatement. I've never really written a post about my dislike of golf, and I'm not going to do so right now, although I'm sure almost all of the people reading this are familiar with my feelings on the sport, or rather, the game. (That's yet another debate for another time.) I've been to a driving range a few times, and played a complete round once, and while I know I'm being close minded, it's just not my thing. Golf demands all sorts of skills that I don't have. I'm not patient, I'm not consistent, and I sunburn easily. I also don't own much plaid.
So, given all that, I was actually surprised how close wiffle golf was to the real golf I remember. We used real clubs (only two out of the set), and since Ray was so obsessive, he had estimated the pars and everything for the courses. The holes were about 200-300 feet, and had all sorts of obstacles. Most were par 4s, but there were some 5s and some 3s. He had ranked each hole in terms of difficulty, as well. We played "scramble", which I was a bit unfamiliar with. Basically, we had four teams of two, and after each shot, you got to choose the best one. Both players used the same placement to hit from, and then once again chose the best on to use. Ray had developed all sorts of rules about what you were allowed to do in terms of adjusting the placement of the ball, since there were no tees, and the ball doesn't always lie perfectly in grass, even when it's mowed. I was actually paired with Ray, since he was the best one (c'mon, you had to know that someone who was going to do this would be an avid golfer), and I was presumably the worst player. (Although only a few of the eight were regular golfers, I was the only one who hadn't played "Ray Golf" before, as he was wont to call it.)
I lived up to my billing: I was terrible. I did just as expected - about 1 in 10 I hit very well, about 2-3 I completely mis-hit, about 2-3 I hit decently, but too hard, too soft, too left, or too right, and then the other ones I'd hit OK, but nothing spectacular. Ray, however, did not live up to his billing: He was terrible as well. For sure, he was better than me, but he definitely wasn't even close to the best on there. As a result, we finished dead last. Did I say finished? Well, it took three freakin' hours (so it really was closer to real golf than you might expect), and I had had enough at around the 9th hole. I think we ended up around 6 over par - the three other teams all finished at or under par. So, we stunk.
We finished at around 4 (actually, they ended up playing 3 extra holes to determine second place), and Klaas and I headed home. Ray and some of the others stayed to play singles. I supposed if you're going to spend a day mowing a golf course into your parents' lawn, you might as well get a full day's use out of it.
After all that, I have to say, it opened up my eyes. Even wiffle golf required a significant amount of skill and patience, and a lot of endurance as well, with the sun beating down on you. It was quite a challenge to keep my stroke consistent over three hours, and even with two clubs, you had to make critical strategy decisions about when to go for the hole, and when to play it safe. So, I guess I was wrong all along. Actually, I'm just kidding - I was bored off my ass. It was a new experience, but golf still sucks. I'm glad it didn't last six hours. But at least I got a real nice sunburn.
Back to the topic at hand. One of Klaas's good high school friends hosts an annual golf tournament. But it's not any type of golf tournament: As you might have gathered from the title of the post, it's a wiffle golf tournament. To this guy, whose name is Ray, Memorial Day Weekend is an annual event. Every year for the past ten, he has mowed an 18-hole golf course into his parents' lawn. It's not THAT big a yard, although it is sizeable, but placing 18 holes takes a lot of planning. He mows fairways, designates the driveways as "water hazards", and even had to have his mother yell at a neighbor NOT to mow his lawn, because the course spills over into his yard and Ray didn't want the course to be screwed up. He has custom-made flags, and carries a stick around with him to each flag because he doesn't actually dig holes into the ground. If you get the ball within the stick radius, it's in.
If this sounds moderately crazy to you, well, you're wrong. It's EXTREMELY crazy. This is a big deal to Ray, and it seems that Klaas and his other friends humor him each year. His parents were selling the house this year, so it was an even bigger to-do, as this would mark the last year that the tournament would be held at this location. (I think they're all counting on Ray to find a way to mow another course into whatever yard his parents have in their new location. God only knows what he'll do if they decide to purchase an apartment in Manhattan. Maybe he'll rent Central Park.) So, since we were visiting Klaas and Tami that weekend, and Klaas didn't want to let Ray down, we went along. Of course, it was a "guys only" event, so even though I'm not a golfer, I went with Klaas, and Tami and Sam went and did girlie things, I guess.
Actually, the "I'm not a golfer" sentence is an understatement. I've never really written a post about my dislike of golf, and I'm not going to do so right now, although I'm sure almost all of the people reading this are familiar with my feelings on the sport, or rather, the game. (That's yet another debate for another time.) I've been to a driving range a few times, and played a complete round once, and while I know I'm being close minded, it's just not my thing. Golf demands all sorts of skills that I don't have. I'm not patient, I'm not consistent, and I sunburn easily. I also don't own much plaid.
So, given all that, I was actually surprised how close wiffle golf was to the real golf I remember. We used real clubs (only two out of the set), and since Ray was so obsessive, he had estimated the pars and everything for the courses. The holes were about 200-300 feet, and had all sorts of obstacles. Most were par 4s, but there were some 5s and some 3s. He had ranked each hole in terms of difficulty, as well. We played "scramble", which I was a bit unfamiliar with. Basically, we had four teams of two, and after each shot, you got to choose the best one. Both players used the same placement to hit from, and then once again chose the best on to use. Ray had developed all sorts of rules about what you were allowed to do in terms of adjusting the placement of the ball, since there were no tees, and the ball doesn't always lie perfectly in grass, even when it's mowed. I was actually paired with Ray, since he was the best one (c'mon, you had to know that someone who was going to do this would be an avid golfer), and I was presumably the worst player. (Although only a few of the eight were regular golfers, I was the only one who hadn't played "Ray Golf" before, as he was wont to call it.)
I lived up to my billing: I was terrible. I did just as expected - about 1 in 10 I hit very well, about 2-3 I completely mis-hit, about 2-3 I hit decently, but too hard, too soft, too left, or too right, and then the other ones I'd hit OK, but nothing spectacular. Ray, however, did not live up to his billing: He was terrible as well. For sure, he was better than me, but he definitely wasn't even close to the best on there. As a result, we finished dead last. Did I say finished? Well, it took three freakin' hours (so it really was closer to real golf than you might expect), and I had had enough at around the 9th hole. I think we ended up around 6 over par - the three other teams all finished at or under par. So, we stunk.
We finished at around 4 (actually, they ended up playing 3 extra holes to determine second place), and Klaas and I headed home. Ray and some of the others stayed to play singles. I supposed if you're going to spend a day mowing a golf course into your parents' lawn, you might as well get a full day's use out of it.
After all that, I have to say, it opened up my eyes. Even wiffle golf required a significant amount of skill and patience, and a lot of endurance as well, with the sun beating down on you. It was quite a challenge to keep my stroke consistent over three hours, and even with two clubs, you had to make critical strategy decisions about when to go for the hole, and when to play it safe. So, I guess I was wrong all along. Actually, I'm just kidding - I was bored off my ass. It was a new experience, but golf still sucks. I'm glad it didn't last six hours. But at least I got a real nice sunburn.
