In The Big Inning...

Insert foot.

While I'm not as prone to slips of the tongue as my good friend Andrew, I have known to say things out loud before thinking about them. I guess it's the price of trying to have a sharp wit - sometimes it ends up stabbing people in the eye.

I like to think I don't do it as often as Andrew, who really can take the cake sometimes. His classic was during fraternity rush, when he found out a guy was from Utah, and said something like "How do you deal with all those Mormons?", to which the guy replied, "I am a Mormon". Needless to say, he didn't pledge our fraternity.

So, this was a big weekend for Sam and I. My parents threw us an engagement party, and a lot of people attended. Sam's father and his girlfriend, Taylor, flew into town from Houston. Now, neither Sam nor I are religious at all, and I know that Sam's father is not, either. I did know that Taylor was a Southern Baptist, although I did not have any idea if she was devout or not.

At any rate, the four of us were in the car having a conversation about computers. Taylor asked me if I knew anything about "Macs". Well, after determining that she wasn't talking about Sam's cousin "Max", I told her that no, I didn't. She told me that she had just gotten Sam's dad's old Mac, and was having trouble figuring out how to use it. She has been using tech support, and I commented that I generally didn't find tech support to be that useful. Taylor replied that she considered tech support to be similar to God. I then blurted, almost immediately, "Yeah, they're about as useful." Surprised, she said, "Oh, how rude!", and then commented that she generally found them both to be useful.

Sam and her dad just said nothing, but I definitely could sense the tension mount. I felt bad, so I just kind of redirected the conversation back to tech support. I really want just trying to be funny, but realized that in the process, I had probably offended her to the core of her very being. I could see it all crumble before my eyes: Her telling Sam's dad that she couldn't be with a man who would condone the marriage of his daughter to this heathen; Him getting upset and having a falling out with Sam; Sam leaving me for a sexy, God-fearing Spainiard named Hector.

Fortunately, no such thing happened. I apologized to Taylor later, and she claimed it was no big deal.(I'm not convinced she wasn't offended, but if she wasn't going to make a big deal about it, I sure wasn't.) Sam later told me that she had definitely noticed it, and had thought it very amusing. Sam's dad punched me in the nose and told me never to offend his woman again. Ok, ok, that last one was made up - in fact, Sam's dad is very cool and supportive.

So, my big mouth got me in trouble. Although, c'mon - you have to admit that my comment was kind of funny! Just maybe a different setting would have been more appropriate. Like my wedding.

Hello, hello. Can you...PLEASE STOP SINGING THIS GODFORSAKEN SONG! I can FEEEEEEEL...my brain swelling.

Hey, I like U2. What's not to like? They're definitely one of the greatest bands in the last 20 years. They have some fantastic songs. But they have got to stop pushing "Vertigo" down our throats.

It's ubiquitous. You can't escape the song. And it's not that bad a song - it's catchy, if quite silly, but I didn't have any objection to it after a few listens. But that's the key - a FEW listens. Although the "uno, dos, tres, catorce" part would be funny if it seemed that Bono actually had a sense of humor.

I'll admit that I've been known to listen to a song to death. I find songs I like, put them on a mix CD or playlist, and repeat it over and over again until I can hear the next song starting in my head after a given song ends. After a while, I get annoyed with the songs and make a new mix. But I wasn't even given the chance to play Vertigo to death - it was done for me, before I ever had a chance to buy the CD, or download the song.

Clearly, U2 is trying to compensate for something. I wonder if the strategy is bordering on brainwashing - if people hear a song often enough, they do start to like it. But I would hope a band wouldn't have to resort to such trickery.

First of all, there's the iPod ad, which I've seen at least 10 million times. (I stopped counting at 2 million, but I think that's accurate.) Of course it's the only iPod ad in which you can actually see the person singing - we wouldn't want our dear Bono to be underexposed. And just in case you couldn't get enough, you can buy a limited edition iPod that has the new album on it.

I was watching football tonight, and they played a Vertigo montage at halftime. They were on Saturday Night Live this past weekend, and of course played that first. (And man, is that show horrible once again. They have no one.) The song's on every single radio station. I think Eric Gagne's going to start playing it when he comes in to close games. I swear there are helicopters that fly overhead during the day and blare it from loudspeakers.

It's time to stop being corporate whores, guys. You're talented and popular and I'm certain you're richer than the guy who created SpongeBob. I don't think I'm going to buy the new album, just because hearing the song again might send me into a psychotic rage. And just in case, I'm never going to watch the Hitchcock movie again - it wouldn't surprise me if they "remastered it" so the song now plays over the credits.

I've been slacking in my blogging and I feel guilty for it. Not guilty enough to put up a real post, though. Let's see, what's floating around in my head?

- I already miss baseball. Although I am looking into getting Expos/Senators/Nationals/Grays season tickets, which would be cool. I would still resist the temptation to abandon the Orioles, although it's becoming more and more difficult.

- I don't really do a lot of stock trading, but I had read that the stock market is usually at a low point at the end of October. Plus, it seemed that the election was likely going to have a decisive winner, which the market was waiting for. So, it seemed like a good time to invest. I decided to purchase some Yahoo stock, but misread my Ameritrade account balance, so I ended up owing them money. I immediately sold the stock back, only losing one cent per share...and the commission on both trades. Stupid.

- The Daily Show is amazing. I don't know how they do it every single day. Watch it in awe.

- Lost is pretty good too. It's the only show I'm really into now, and it'll probably stay that way until 24 comes back. But 24 has something to prove - do they still "have it" ? I'm not so sure.

- I recently got promoted at work. I'm now a "Lead Software Engineer". (I was a "Senior Software Engineer" before). Doesn't mean a whole lot - one more day of vacation a year, but in general it's nice to know that they like me.

- Sam and I bought a GameCube, and are really enjoying it. I'm a big fan of buying older gaming systems, especially because the games are cheaper then. I don't need the latest stuff. And, I'm a sucker for games that are related to the games of my youth, like Mario and Metroid and Mega Man, and anything starting with "M". (Like Marble Madness!)

That's all that's rattling around in my head now. Well, that's all that's rattling around in my head that I have the inclination to write about it. I'll try to be more scintillating in the near future.

So, I had a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble a while ago, and decided to buy myself yet another book. To be honest, this wasn't the wisest move. Had I been thinking, I would have just purchased 10 Frappucinos, because I am accumulating reading material at a rate that will soon result in my home being overtaken by magazines, and I'll have to swim to the bathroom. I did, however, finally let my Maxim subscription run out, so that alone will at least increase the total aggregate intelligence in my house, if not significantly reduce the amount of material I have.

At any rate, I bought a book, called "Committed", by Mark St. Amant, supposedly about a fantasy football "junkie" who quit his job and tried to find the secret to fantasy football. Now, I'm a moderate fan of fantasy football, but really I just bought this book because I figured it'd be an interesting and insightful read. Boy was I wrong. I would link you to the book, but I don't want to patronize this guy. If you really want to see how crappy this book is, just let me know and I'll borrow it, although if I really care about you, I won't make you suffer, so maybe it'll be a good litmus test of our friendship.

So, I bought the book and read it, and, well, it sucked. I mean, it wasn't painful...well, yeah, it kind of was. The writing style was a combination of Bill Simmons without the clever references, just the excessive pop-culture asides, and Dave Barry, when he's being incredibly forced, and a really advanced four-year old. Apparently this guy has a website, which I visited, called "The Sports Rag". Find it yourself if you want a taste of his so-called "humor". I promise you that you won't waste a lot of time there.

The story itself was just flat-out stupid. I'm no fantasy football zealot, but I've developed a reasonable amount of strategy by playing in a few leagues for the past three or four years, and I learned nothing from this guy. NOTHING! Can you imagine if I quit my job and just wrote a book about something as mundane as playing fantasy football, without doing any real research, and then tried to sell myself as a "fantasy football junkie"? Well, I guess you might consider me a brilliant businessman if I was able to pull it off. I mean, the guy did sucker me. At any rate, doing stupid things like quitting your job doesn't make you a "junkie" - it makes you a "moron".

So, at the end of this book, the author provided his email address so that readers could provide suggestions. He also claimed that if we were unhappy, he'd be pleased to give us refunds, but alas he did not have our addresses. I decided to help him out:

Dear Mr. St. Amant,

So, since you offered, I'm writing to you to tell you what's on my mind after reading your book. Basically, I feel like I was ripped off for 24 bucks. Now, I don't mean to insult you, but I definitely would like to explain why I'm so irritated - I'm not one of those compulsive "returners", but you did claim that you couldn't offer me a refund because you don't have my address. Well, if you're going to offer a refund, I'll gladly provide you my address:

David Berman
10676 Weymouth Street, Unit #202
Bethesda, MD 20814

Your book attracted me because it seemed like a good premise. Basically, I was expecting some sort of insight - ANY insight into fantasy football. I've been playing a few leagues for about four years now, and I found NOTHING new in your book. No advice, no compelling stories, no interesting statistical analysis, nothing. I could have written your book, which basically seemed to emulate Bill Simmons as much as possible, except without the dry wit - just the excessive cultural references. Maybe there was a bit of Dave Barry thrown in there as well.

I was frustrated with your writing style, which struck me as rather juvenile. Instead of sympathizing with you and your determination to win the league, I instead found myself thinking that you were obsessive for no reason - it's not like you actually did a whole lot of work to somehow elevate yourself to the "next level" of fantasy football player - rather, you obsessed and complained and watched a lot of TV, and then ended up right back where you started. You talked on a couple chat boards and took a couple of road trips - you really didn't put yourself out there too much. I've dedicated a lot of times to fantasy leagues too, but basically the difference between me and you was that you quit your job first. Maybe that makes you an official "junkie", but I would have hoped in all the spare time you could have come up with a set of stories beyond "Yes, Priest Holmes went crazy today!" and "I got screwed by Joe Horn"...over and over again.

So, there are my complaints. Now, I have no delusions that you will have the time or the inclination to respond to this, especially because I imagine that this book is close to your heart. If I have insulted you, I apologize, but I did want to express to you that I feel very frustrated that I have wasted both my time and my money on your pedestrian tale.

Sincerely,

David Berman

Now, I really didn't expect him to write me back. I figured that maybe there were tons of people that had been duped like I was, and that Mr. Big Shot author wouldn't have the time to reply. But I guess I was wrong, as he did reply (from his wife's email address, I might add, which strikes me as a bit strange - you'd think he'd have gotten his act together a bit...or maybe his wife wrote it for him).

Mr. Berman,

Thanks for writing. While I'm of course disappointed to hear that you didn't enjoy COMMITTED as much as everyone else has, one of the first things I learned as a writer was that you simply can't please everyone. Being criticized by readers just comes with the territory.

That said, as you no doubt know from your four years of fantasy playing, this is a huge industry with a huge audience. And since COMMITTED is the first book of its kind about fantasy football, there's plenty of room for another ­ so, by all means, I encourage you to write your own take on fantasy football. I'd be happy to return the favor by not only buying your book, but giving you my opinion when finished.

Thanks again for writing. Hope you're having a fun FF
season.

Mark St. Amant

Hey, a reply! I was impressed. Of course, he could have just summarized by saying:

"Dear Mr. Berman,

You are an idiot. Everyone likes my book but you. Go write your own book, and then I'll tell you that it sucks too."

So, to summarize:

If you are a consumer, don't buy this book. If you do, don't read it. The sky-blue cover will look quite decorative on your shelf, and then you won't have to waste your time.

If you are an author, don't write a crappy book. If you do, don't publish your email address in it.

I promise that this will be the last post on politics for a while.

I do not think I am being dramatic when I say that November 2, 2004 will go down as a dark day in American history. It's the day in which Americans officially opted for faith over reason, war and anger over diplomacy and judgment, deceit and arrogance over accountability and honor. Did all Americans choose this? No. Many of those that voted for Bush did not actively choose those reprehensible traits - but in re-electing Bush, we have honored those qualities, and shown the world and future generations what is truly important to our country - and it disgusts and saddens me.

I do not buy that somehow this will usher in a new era of unity between the parties. The last time that happened, the Democrats fell for the olive branch, and ended up getting a swift kick in the ass. 2000 was a great opportunity to unite the country, but Bush took his disputed election as a mandate to govern as though he had been chosen by Jesus himself. After 2001, he had yet another opportunity to reject divisiveness, but chose not to. Now, in 2004, when he has won by over 3.5 million votes, I have no idea why anyone would fall for these outright lies. You know, fool me once, and all.

Actually, I do have an idea. Because Americans: Democrats and Republicans are fundamentally good people. They want to see their leaders as representing all that is good in society. We want to be able to support our President. But we have a problem with faith now - there's too much of it. It's blinding us. Saying something is true does not making it so. Wanting something to be true does not make it so. Iraq is NOT a success. The economy is NOT improving significantly. Our education system is NOT getting better. The support of the world IS important in the fight on terror. We are NOT safer than we were before. Our leaders are NOT LEADING. And no matter what religion is most prevalent, religious dogma does NOT have a place in our government.

I was more involved with this election than I ever was before. For me, it was about justice. It still is. I take part of the blame for what has happened. In 2000, I wasn't very involved. I voted for Gore, but did not heed the warnings that Bush would be the disaster that he turned out to be. As a result, I just sat back and didn't really fight for the principles that I believed in, at least not beyond casting my vote. And Bush won, and the country got worse, and slowly I became very angry and frustrated and disappointed. As that built, I became more and more involved - reading articles on politics, watching the debates, engaging in political discussions, and finally making calls for Kerry, and even canvassing on his behalf. It was energizing and exciting.

While the election was disappointing, and did shake my faith in the American electorate, I felt bad for the people who worked even harder than I did. I know that in any contest, there's only one winner, but I never failed to be impressed by the dedication of those people that were working tirelessly on behalf of the campaign, to make the world better. My parents, in particular, gave a ton of money and time to support the causes they championed, and I'm quite proud of them. They don't really need the government at this stage in their lives, but they don't stop fighting for justice, and that amazes me. There are many more people who are like that, and it's inspiring.

So, hence the title of this post. My efforts are going to be redoubled. I'm going to give more of myself, because I refuse to let this country be overrun by religious fanaticism, and reactionary hatred and anger and irrationality. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do yet, but you can be damn sure I'll get involved. And if you're upset about what's happening, I hope you'll join me. Go support a candidate. Work on a campaign. Find an advocacy group. Make a difference. America will be a beacon of hope and truth and righteousness to the world - it just might take a little longer that we all had hoped.

I voted today. It still makes me feel all tingly. I hope that feeling never goes away, even in lesser elections.

Like Fox Mulder, I want to believe again. I'm as non-religious as they get. If I was forced to pick a name for my beliefs, it would be "humanist". I believe that there is no real divinity, and that all the power and strength and will and courage that we get comes from inside, and from the people around us. There's no magic, no man in the sky, no mysterious higher power. We get brains and hearts through lucky twists of evolution, and it's up to us to make the most of it. Not because we owe it to God, but because we owe it to ourselves and each other.

That's why this election has me so worried. The past four years have brought with them a sharp change in the mentality of America, through the actions of terrorists, through our response as a country, and just through our common discourse. Of course, none of these problems just started in 2000, nor are they going anywhere soon, but recent events have only exacerbated things.

My problem is that it seems that everything I believe to be good and true and important about humanity seems to be directly under attack. I want America to be the best of humanity. I want people to seek wisdom and truth and peace.

I want to believe that Americans reject mendacity and ignorance and arrogance.

I want to believe that when we are threatened, we draw our strength from unity and thoughtfulness and judgment and good will, not through petulance and warmongering and misplaced aggression.

I want to believe that Americans will demand accountability and honesty from their government. If we won't, who will?

I want to believe that Americans will stick up for the unpopular minority, and not succumb to the tyranny of the majority, even they happen to be members of that majority. I want us to adhere to our high standards of ensuring that personal religious beliefs aren't imposed on others through the law.

I want to believe, America. I still do believe. Don't let me down.