Friday, January 09, 2004
Electronics suck...one piece in particular
My DVD player sucks.
I was all excited when I bought it, because it was progressive scan. This was probably three years ago, when everything wasn't progressive scan, and DVD players actually cost more than thirty dollars. I had just obtained a new big-screen television, and the difference between progressive scan and interlaced was quite obvious.
And now? It's a hunk of junk. I have a hunch about how it got that way - let's just say that someone who will remain unnamed left it on for a few days - but that doesn't excuse the fact that it's really annoying to use. Let me explain.
First of all, it doesn't open. I don't understand this part. If the thing can turn on, it should be able to open. Well, it does open - about 5% of the time you press the open button. What kind of machine isn't deterministic? So, in order to put in a DVD, I need to stand there and push the open button approximately 20 times. I have to wait a second between each push, too, otherwise it won't work. Sometimes, I get lucky and it opens on the first three tries. Sometimes, I can stand there for five minutes.
But that's just step one. Unfortunately, when it does open, it shuts immediately. Basically, this means it takes two hands to operate the player: One to constantly press the open button, and then one to catch the tray when it comes out and hold it open. Then, I have to use the button-pushing hand to actually place the DVD in the tray. Usually, when I let the tray go, it closes automatically, but sometimes it remains open, and then I either have to force it back in, or press the open button until it closes.
Ok, so the DVD's in there. Great. Now, I just need it to play. Well, that doesn't work either. In fact, that's the feature that works the worst. Surprising, isn't it, that anything could work worse then the who opening-closing functionality, eh?
Playing, in fact, is similar to opening, in that I have to press the play button multiple times. Usually, I can hear it spinning up, and then it just dies back down. However, I've gotten the point where I know if it's going to work, because it emits this high-pitched pseudo-ding. Most of the time, I just sit there, pressing the button. I'd say this works approximately 2% of the time.
One I've done those four things (open, insert disc, close, play), it works like a charm. No problems at all! Play, pause, menu, all works great. Not stop. Well, stop works fine - but then play has the aforementioned problems. The picture and sound are great!
So, you might ask, why in hell don't I just throw it away? For some reason, I can't bring myself to pitch it. I mean, the important part - the part that actually plays the movie - works fine! Furthermore, I remember how impressed I was with it when I got it. I guess I'm just sentimental. Repairing it is out of the question - I might as well get a new one. You can get a pretty good DVD player these days for seventy bucks.
Ultimately, the net effect of this has been that I watch less movies. It's just too much of a chore to start the damn thing up. Maybe I should start thinking of it like a slot machine. In all honestly, I think that's what it morphed into. Maybe it's a slot machine, trapped in the body of a DVD player, and its finally beginning to blossom into its true self. Maybe I should get a therapist for it. Because, honestly, it's random enough that it could be a slot machine. The few times where I can get it to open, close, and play, all with one button push per operation - Woohoo! I win! And to prove it, I get the little pseudo-dingy sound. I think I'm on to something...time to break the f'in thing into pieces and see precisely what's going on in there.
I was all excited when I bought it, because it was progressive scan. This was probably three years ago, when everything wasn't progressive scan, and DVD players actually cost more than thirty dollars. I had just obtained a new big-screen television, and the difference between progressive scan and interlaced was quite obvious.
And now? It's a hunk of junk. I have a hunch about how it got that way - let's just say that someone who will remain unnamed left it on for a few days - but that doesn't excuse the fact that it's really annoying to use. Let me explain.
First of all, it doesn't open. I don't understand this part. If the thing can turn on, it should be able to open. Well, it does open - about 5% of the time you press the open button. What kind of machine isn't deterministic? So, in order to put in a DVD, I need to stand there and push the open button approximately 20 times. I have to wait a second between each push, too, otherwise it won't work. Sometimes, I get lucky and it opens on the first three tries. Sometimes, I can stand there for five minutes.
But that's just step one. Unfortunately, when it does open, it shuts immediately. Basically, this means it takes two hands to operate the player: One to constantly press the open button, and then one to catch the tray when it comes out and hold it open. Then, I have to use the button-pushing hand to actually place the DVD in the tray. Usually, when I let the tray go, it closes automatically, but sometimes it remains open, and then I either have to force it back in, or press the open button until it closes.
Ok, so the DVD's in there. Great. Now, I just need it to play. Well, that doesn't work either. In fact, that's the feature that works the worst. Surprising, isn't it, that anything could work worse then the who opening-closing functionality, eh?
Playing, in fact, is similar to opening, in that I have to press the play button multiple times. Usually, I can hear it spinning up, and then it just dies back down. However, I've gotten the point where I know if it's going to work, because it emits this high-pitched pseudo-ding. Most of the time, I just sit there, pressing the button. I'd say this works approximately 2% of the time.
One I've done those four things (open, insert disc, close, play), it works like a charm. No problems at all! Play, pause, menu, all works great. Not stop. Well, stop works fine - but then play has the aforementioned problems. The picture and sound are great!
So, you might ask, why in hell don't I just throw it away? For some reason, I can't bring myself to pitch it. I mean, the important part - the part that actually plays the movie - works fine! Furthermore, I remember how impressed I was with it when I got it. I guess I'm just sentimental. Repairing it is out of the question - I might as well get a new one. You can get a pretty good DVD player these days for seventy bucks.
Ultimately, the net effect of this has been that I watch less movies. It's just too much of a chore to start the damn thing up. Maybe I should start thinking of it like a slot machine. In all honestly, I think that's what it morphed into. Maybe it's a slot machine, trapped in the body of a DVD player, and its finally beginning to blossom into its true self. Maybe I should get a therapist for it. Because, honestly, it's random enough that it could be a slot machine. The few times where I can get it to open, close, and play, all with one button push per operation - Woohoo! I win! And to prove it, I get the little pseudo-dingy sound. I think I'm on to something...time to break the f'in thing into pieces and see precisely what's going on in there.
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