Wednesday, February 25, 2004
The Best Appliance In The World
Everyone reading this needs to own a TiVo. I'm not talking about "need" as in "I really need to have some ice cream now", or "I need you to not be late to this meeting", or even, "I need you to give me a heart transplant or I'll die." No, this is much more important. I am making the assumption that my readers watch television, which I think is reasonable. If you don't, well, good for you. Go back to eating your tree bark and knitting your own underwear.
I've been a proud TiVo owner for probably about three years now. I feel a little guilty that I do not know the exact date my relationship with TiVo began - in fact, I should know the date and start celebrating the anniversary. I really don't want my TiVo to feel neglected, especially not after all it's done for me.
If you've never watched TiVo, you really don't know what you're missing. Usually, I find "you don't know what you're missing" to be a stupid statement. Really, it's pretty obvious. If you're missing something, then you don't know about it. Duh. So, to be more specific, if you've never watched TiVo, then not only do you not know what you're missing, but there's a big gaping hole in your life and you need to patch it immediately!
I could enumerate the advantages of TiVo, but I fear they are far too numerous to list in any human-readable form. I'll try to just mention the highlights: Have you ever wanted to watch TV, but there was nothing on you wanted to watch? Have you ever wanted to record a program but figured it was too much effort to change the tapes every week, and even then, video tape was too expensive? Are you too stupid or lazy to program a VCR? Have you ever had a scheduling conflict - say, having to decide between going to your brother's wedding and watching the season finale of ER? And, the best yet - have you ever wanted to NOT sit through commercials? If you haven't answered yes to any of these questions, then you must be some sort of robot, which, admittedly, is kind of cool that a robot is reading my blog. But if you answered yes, then you need TiVo immediately.
I will admit that it's kind of a catch-22. While television can contribute greatly to one's life, it most likely does not actually give it meaning and worth. (That is the job of my blog.) I know this might come as a shock to some of you, but there is a thing as too much television. Of course, I firmly believe that my non-TiVo television threshold is much lower than my TiVo-television threshold. And therein lies the rub, dear friend. For TiVo will vastly improve your television-watching experience. Not only that, but it will make it more efficient, since the average hour long show has 16 minutes of commercials, you can watch it in 44 minutes. That's a greater than 25% time savings! But, because watching TiVo'ed television is such a superior experience, you may be inclined to watch more television than usual, since the quality of the experience has been vastly improved. I'm just pointing this out as a fair warning. By no means should you use this as an excuse to avoid getting one.
It's time to come out of the dark ages of television. Let me lead you into the light. The eerie glow of the television screen, enticing you with its images of lurid melodramas and lurid comedies and lurid reality shows and really lurid business news reports. Trust me - I will show you the way. The TiVo way. More lurid than ever! Now with no commercials!
I've been a proud TiVo owner for probably about three years now. I feel a little guilty that I do not know the exact date my relationship with TiVo began - in fact, I should know the date and start celebrating the anniversary. I really don't want my TiVo to feel neglected, especially not after all it's done for me.
If you've never watched TiVo, you really don't know what you're missing. Usually, I find "you don't know what you're missing" to be a stupid statement. Really, it's pretty obvious. If you're missing something, then you don't know about it. Duh. So, to be more specific, if you've never watched TiVo, then not only do you not know what you're missing, but there's a big gaping hole in your life and you need to patch it immediately!
I could enumerate the advantages of TiVo, but I fear they are far too numerous to list in any human-readable form. I'll try to just mention the highlights: Have you ever wanted to watch TV, but there was nothing on you wanted to watch? Have you ever wanted to record a program but figured it was too much effort to change the tapes every week, and even then, video tape was too expensive? Are you too stupid or lazy to program a VCR? Have you ever had a scheduling conflict - say, having to decide between going to your brother's wedding and watching the season finale of ER? And, the best yet - have you ever wanted to NOT sit through commercials? If you haven't answered yes to any of these questions, then you must be some sort of robot, which, admittedly, is kind of cool that a robot is reading my blog. But if you answered yes, then you need TiVo immediately.
I will admit that it's kind of a catch-22. While television can contribute greatly to one's life, it most likely does not actually give it meaning and worth. (That is the job of my blog.) I know this might come as a shock to some of you, but there is a thing as too much television. Of course, I firmly believe that my non-TiVo television threshold is much lower than my TiVo-television threshold. And therein lies the rub, dear friend. For TiVo will vastly improve your television-watching experience. Not only that, but it will make it more efficient, since the average hour long show has 16 minutes of commercials, you can watch it in 44 minutes. That's a greater than 25% time savings! But, because watching TiVo'ed television is such a superior experience, you may be inclined to watch more television than usual, since the quality of the experience has been vastly improved. I'm just pointing this out as a fair warning. By no means should you use this as an excuse to avoid getting one.
It's time to come out of the dark ages of television. Let me lead you into the light. The eerie glow of the television screen, enticing you with its images of lurid melodramas and lurid comedies and lurid reality shows and really lurid business news reports. Trust me - I will show you the way. The TiVo way. More lurid than ever! Now with no commercials!
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