Monday, March 22, 2004
Balding
So, I'm balding. To any of you who know me, this is not news. It's been going on for a while now - I'd say about 4 or 5 years. And, honestly, it doesn't bother me that much. Really. I mean it. Stop laughing. Jerks.
Ok, so I've wiped my tears off the keyboard, narrowly avoiding a short circuit, and I'm typing through the sniffles. Seriously, though, it doesn't bother me that much. My main problem with it is this: The hair on the side and back of my head grows faster than the thinning hair (well, what's left of it - in the front, it's really just a small tuft) in the front and on the top of my head. Why is this annoying? Because it makes me look like Dave-o the Clown when it gets too long.
Because of the increased thinning on the top, coupled with the fact that the sides and back don't seem to be slowing their growing, I now need to shave my head every two or three weeks in order not to look sillier. (Or, sillier than usual, at least.) Fortunately, I did invest in a clipper a couple years ago (might be the best investment I've ever made, and that includes my autographed picture of Vanilla Ice), and so cutting my hair really isn't that much of an ordeal. Especially thanks to my loving girlfriend, who trims all the spots I miss. (Or, at least, she claims to. Maybe she just leaves it all funky-looking, since I can't see the back of my head, and then snickers as she follows me around the apartment. If she does this, though, she's quite innocent about it, so she either gets points from me for brilliant deception or heartfelt assistance.) Really, I have no other choice. In my younger days I had a nice Jew-fro, so it's not like a comb-over is really an option, nor would I want it to be.
So, I'm really not complaining. I'm not concerned enough to try any remedy that's more involved than snapping my fingers, so Rogaine or Propecia (what if I want to get pregnant?) are out. As are transplants. To me, that's just way over the top. And it's not like people wouldn't figure it out anyways, after looking at me balding for all these years. Like I said, if I could snap my fingers, yeah, I suppose it would be nice to have more hair. But I do save a hell of a lot on shampoo.
Ok, so I've wiped my tears off the keyboard, narrowly avoiding a short circuit, and I'm typing through the sniffles. Seriously, though, it doesn't bother me that much. My main problem with it is this: The hair on the side and back of my head grows faster than the thinning hair (well, what's left of it - in the front, it's really just a small tuft) in the front and on the top of my head. Why is this annoying? Because it makes me look like Dave-o the Clown when it gets too long.
Because of the increased thinning on the top, coupled with the fact that the sides and back don't seem to be slowing their growing, I now need to shave my head every two or three weeks in order not to look sillier. (Or, sillier than usual, at least.) Fortunately, I did invest in a clipper a couple years ago (might be the best investment I've ever made, and that includes my autographed picture of Vanilla Ice), and so cutting my hair really isn't that much of an ordeal. Especially thanks to my loving girlfriend, who trims all the spots I miss. (Or, at least, she claims to. Maybe she just leaves it all funky-looking, since I can't see the back of my head, and then snickers as she follows me around the apartment. If she does this, though, she's quite innocent about it, so she either gets points from me for brilliant deception or heartfelt assistance.) Really, I have no other choice. In my younger days I had a nice Jew-fro, so it's not like a comb-over is really an option, nor would I want it to be.
So, I'm really not complaining. I'm not concerned enough to try any remedy that's more involved than snapping my fingers, so Rogaine or Propecia (what if I want to get pregnant?) are out. As are transplants. To me, that's just way over the top. And it's not like people wouldn't figure it out anyways, after looking at me balding for all these years. Like I said, if I could snap my fingers, yeah, I suppose it would be nice to have more hair. But I do save a hell of a lot on shampoo.
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