In The Big Inning...

One of my fraternity brothers last year started sending out a ranked list of all of the movies he had seen in the previous year. He requested that we all do the same, and it struck me as a good idea, so I complied. It turned out to be quite a fun exercise - to recall everything that I had seen in a given year and get my own chance to be Ebert. (I think I'm more Roeper - I am a bit more shapely than Ebert, at least. Plus, Ebert's a sap. He'll stick his thumb up anything...I mean, for anything.)

At any rate, here's my list. I've tried to keep the comments terse, but, alas, I've failed. However, I will request that you all make your own lists. I'd love to read them, and I think you'll find creating the list to be quite fun. In order to do that, you'll need a list of all of the movies released in 2003. Conveniently, I got that right here for ya! Movies Released in 2003 Don't let me down, folks. If nothing else, make a list - no need to provide as much commentary as I do.

Overall, a pretty disappointing year. Few movies exceeded my expectations,
and many fell quite below. I saw a lot of crap! See below for proof. Without further ado:

29. The Life of David Gale

This movie made me angry. And not in the way that it intended to - it
angered me because it was so contrived, and so blatantly manipulative, and
such a complete waste of talent (Kevin Spacey, Laura Linney, Kate Winslet).
It tries to take a stance on the death penalty, and then completely negates
itself with surprise plot "twists" that make no sense if you think about
the movie as a whole. It probably isn't the worst movie overall, but it
certainly has the biggest disparity between my hopes and expectations and
what it actually delivered.

28. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

The first one was cute, and clever in places. This one was just more of the
same, but worse. It wasn't original, it wasn't clever, and it wasn't even
funny. Admittedly, I don't know what I was expecting, but the first one was
actually a nice surprise - better than I expected going in. This just felt
like a series of vignettes with the same characters. Don't make a third
one, please.

27. S.W.A.T.

I may sound like an old grouch, but it seems to me like back in the day
(like seven years ago), popcorn action flicks tried a little harder. The
Rock, Die Hard 3, Armageddon, Last Action Hero - certainly not
groundbreaking films, but all had something to offer and were original in
some respects, or at least well-executed. SWAT just felt like a film going
through the motions. Nothing new, not even good effects, and even with
Colin Farrell and Sam Jackson and LL Cool J, the dialogue stunk. Just lame.

26. The Recruit

This movie is only above SWAT because it tried a little harder. But it was
very contrived, and completely unrealistic, and I expect a little more out
of Al Pacino, if not Colin Farrell. I'm tired of the "twelve-twist" ending.
Make a solid movie with a good story, and you won't have to resort to this
BS to salvage your lame flick.

25. Once Upon a Time in Mexico

Sigh. I love "Desperado". I think Robert Rodriguez can do some great stuff
- he's an excellent "pulp" moviemaker. I have no idea what he was thinking
in making this movie. The part with "El Mariachi" is pretty incoherent.
Johnny Depp is fantastic, but his story is completely incongruous with the
Mariachi's. I have no idea why they were in the same movie. This is ranked
so low because it had so much potential, especially given how impressive
Desperado was, and the addition of Johnny Depp could have carried the
series to greater heights. Instead, it just illustrated how lame the rest
of the picture was.

24. Old School

Funny, but quite uneven. I like my comedies to be movies that I want to
watch over and over again because they have a few fantastically funny
scenes. While I laughed somewhat often, it wasn't enough. Will Ferrell was
great, and Vince Vaughn can be good at times. Luke Wilson, on the other
hand, is usually pretty weak. I think I was frustrated by the fact that
this movie had a lot of potential and failed to live up to it. Jeremy Piven
rocks, though.

23. The Rundown

Clever in parts, but ultimately predictable, and very silly. The Rock was
pretty good, as far as stoic action heroes go. Seann William Scott needs to
die. He's really quite talentless. I like the fact that this movie didn't
take itself seriously - that's what makes it a step about SWAT and The
Recruit. Nevertheless, it's still a generic, predictable action movie.

22. The Matrix Reloaded

I've discussed the merits (and deficits) of this movie at great length, but
I'll try and summarize. First of all, in the context of the trilogy, it
makes the least sense. It brings up interesting ideas and then just ignores
them in the third movie. I won't deny that the effects are magnificent -
the highway chase might be the most impressive 15 minutes of film special
effects I've ever seen (and that's including LOTR, but it would be a good
contest between the two). As a movie unto itself, it really can't stand
alone - and not because of the silly cliffhanger ending, but because it
doesn't have a story structure at all. The climax occurs when Neo meets the
Architect and we get 10 minutes of monotonic discussion. Any movie that
requires that exposition (and then wastes it!) really isn't doing what it's
supposed to. The second time I watched it, I appreciated it more, because I
knew what plotlines and concepts I could safely ignore, comfortable that
they would never resolve themselves.

21. Phone Booth

Clever high concept idea. Nice and compact. Bonus points for excellent use
of Kiefer Sutherland. Minus points for being silly. Still, it entertained
me for an hour and a half and had a moderate amount of tension, so it's
higher than the other standard action movies on this list.

20. Better Luck Tomorrow

I don't know if it's possible to overestimate the effect that Reservoir
Dogs has had on young filmmakers. This certainly isn't a rip-off of
Reservoir Dogs, but it definitely owes Tarantino a debt of gratitude. For
those of you that have no idea what this movie is about, basically, it an
indie movie that consists of an almost entirely an Asian-American cast, the
main characters being 4 or 5 high school kids. They're all overachievers,
with disconnected families, and they get bored with the standard challenges
of high school, so they move on to more "exciting" things, like burglary
and drugs. It's original, and a bit different, but ultimately had too much
of the "indie" feel and didn't really go anywhere. A nice debut for the
director, though, who at least had some original ideas - he just beats his
audience over the head with them. A decent rental if you're in the right mood.

19. Bruce Almighty

Cute movie. And, honestly, I have a thing for Jennifer Aniston. Good high
concept, with Carrey returning to his roots in goofy comedy. If he made a
movie like this every couple of years, I don't think I'd have a problem
with that. It certainly wasn't fantastic. It's annoying that they felt the
need to teach a lesson, but I think we all expected that. In retrospect,
Ace Ventura was much better than we all give it credit for.

18. About Schmidt

This movie is proof that good acting alone cannot carry a movie. It seems
there are more and more movies like this these days - critically acclaimed
for some fantastic, expectation-bucking performance, but the movie as a
whole is a letdown. Jack Nicholson is great, but ultimately, this movie is
just slow and depressing. I usually complain about things that seem
contrived, but this movie could have used some contrivance to keep it
interesting. Many describe the Kathy Bates nudity as "brave". I'd use the
term "unnecessary".

17. Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World

This movie was OK. That's it. Not great, not a Best Picture contender, just
ok. Nice effects, decent story, kind of slow plot, just fine acting. I left
it completely ambivalent about what I had just seen. I can't imagine why
it's a Best Picture nominee. Because of Russell Crowe? Because it's
supposed to be epic in scale? Do the voters even watch these movies?

16. The Cooler

I expected a bit more out of this movie, but overall, it's a quality work.
It just felt a bit predictable, like it had been done before. William H.
Macy is great, and Alec Baldwin is good - I don't have an argument about
his Oscar nomination, although I might not have chosen him. This movie has
a weird tone - muted Vegas glitz and glamour ambiance, with quirky
fantasy-type occurrences, and then some dreary indie movie moments as well.
Worth watching, but it won't blow you away.

15. The Hulk

An A for effort! C- for execution. First of all, I'm not really a comic
book fan. I know very little about the Hulk mythology. Nevertheless,
visually, this movie is stunning. The way Ang Lee moves the camera, colors
and lights his scenes, and does clever wipes, is brilliant. Fits a comic
book movie perfectly. Unfortunately, the story and the acting does not. The
scenery and edits are brighter than the actions of the characters. I want
my comic book characters to be larger than life, not quiet and moody.
Beyond that, the moodiness and introspection of the characters is in sharp
contrast to the brute force of the Hulk himself, who kinda reminds me of
the Cave Troll from Lord of the Rings, but rendered by computers with a
quarter of the power. At any rate, the combination of the brilliant visual
style with the understated personal style, and then also the in-your-face
Hulk just adds up to a somewhat meaningless mess. And the ending stinks.
But watch it with the sound off and you might be impressed.

14. A Mighty Wind

Maybe I'm giving Christopher Guest credit for his entire body of work here,
but this movie was cute, clever, and enjoyable. Not hilarious, mind you,
like Best in Show was, but it had its share of very funny moments. His
characters are absurd and real at the same time, and it's always fun to put
them in virtually any situation. That said, was the folk music community
the best choice to mock?

13. Stuck on You

Another cute movie. Well cast. The Farrelly brothers have essentially
perfected this type of comedy. I liked how clever they were with how the
brothers have gotten to used to their "handicap" and use it to their
advantage. I think they should have gotten an actress more famous than Cher
to mock, though. I'm sure someone a little less washed-up was available.
SPOILER ALERT! Funniest moment: When they're finally detached and exit the
hospital. They stand up, and then fall over sideways in opposite directions.

12. The Italian Job

I saw this movie a while ago, but remember having a good time. Edward
Norton is always good. Generally, well-done heist movies are fun and will
rate high on my list, whereas poorly-done heist movies flop terribly.
Fortunately, this is one of the former.

11. Love Actually

I'm a huge Notting Hill fan. This movie doesn't really come close, but in
parts it does manage to capture that perfect blend of comedic romance that
Notting Hill did all the way through. There are too many characters and
subplots in the story, so some of them are failures, but on the whole, it's
well-acted and well-written, if a bit chick-flicky. Although I still have
trouble believing in Hugh Grant as Prime Minister...

10. American Wedding

Definitely a vast improvement over the sickly-sweet stupidity of American
Pie 2. Not quite up to the originality of American Pie 1, but at least it's
a worthy successor. Still, some situations seemed incredibly forced, like
the Stifler-and-Jim-pie-in-the-crotch-dog-licking scene at the beginning.
Come to think of it, is there a way to make this seem natural? Overall, it
was mostly genuinely funny - I left smiling, which is more than I can say
for a lot of movies. It also had a nice 96 minute running time, which was
perfect for this movie.

9. The Matrix Revolutions

I think this movie would be even better if you were able to completely
ignore the previous two. On its own, it's visually amazing, and tells a
nice story of the underdog warriors fighting in a battle against the
oppressive machines. In a way, because Reloaded lowered my expectations for
the resolution of all of the "mythological" questions that the first two
movies posed, I was able to enjoy this movie on a much more visceral level,
and forget about the poorly executed cerebral aspects. I still think it had
some critical flaws - there's still too much nebulous mythology discussed,
and the final Trinity-Neo scene is almost vomit-inducing, but overall, this
at least redeems some of the failures of Reloaded.

8. Bend it Like Beckham

I surprised myself by rating this movie this high, but it really surpassed
my expectations. I think it's really what a movie like "My Big Fat Greek
Wedding" should have been - it's much more natural and the stars are
genuinely endearing. It's not overly preachy or pandering, either. Great
date movie, too.

7. Mystic River

Most of the good things you've heard about this movie are true. The casting
is amazing. (Sean Penn, Tim Robbins, Laurence Fisburne, Kevin Bacon, Marcia
Gay Harden - she should have won the Best Supporting Actress Oscar, BTW.)
The acting is fabulous. Eastwood's direction is very solid. That said, a
majority of the praise heaped upon this movie is about its mood and how
accurate a representation of Boston it is. Well, Boston's dreary. That
didn't require much work, really. Shoot there, and your movie will feel
dreary. I don't think it's worthy of THAT much praise. Also, I think the
plot is a bit thin. It's a little too straightforward - it's not really as
complex or intricate a mystery as they make it out to be. That said, it's
very well done and worth seeing. And one person who is not getting the
recognition she deserves is Marcia Gay Harden, who is fantastic in this
movie as Tim Robbins' wife. She stands in stark to the wife of Sean Penn's
character, played by Laura Linney, who is much less realistic, partially
because of the script, but also partially because of her overacting.

6. 28 Days Later

This list has too few independent movies on it, which is disappointing. I
don't think this movie is quite as good as Frailty, which rated high on
last year's list, but it has many of the same qualities. If you haven't
seen it, it's basically a modern zombie movie. It's quietly spooky,
original, and very well done. Once again, it proves that all of the CGI and
big budget effects that are some common are completely unnecessary for
generating a legitimate feeling of dread and terror. The DVD has a nice set
of alternate endings too, which is nice, because the real ending did leave
me a bit unsatisfied. I do highly recommend it, though - much better than
your average studio release.

5. X2: X-Men United

A sequel that exceeds the original? Pretty rare, these days. There are some
fantastic individual scenes in this movie, but overall, it still holds up
as an exciting action movie. The characters are well-drawn. I think they
spent too much time on Wolverine's history, and some of the battles end a
little too abruptly, but I'm consistently amazed at how they find very
clever ways to use their special powers. Some of the large-scale battles
strike me as real-life chess matches. One particular scene, with Magneto in
his prison (you know what I'm talking about if you've seen it), is
borderline classic. The effects are great, the acting is solid, and they do
a nice job of introducing cool new characters (Nightcrawler), while still
using the old favorites well. Except for Storm - she still sucks.

4. Finding Nemo

First of all, the movie is beautiful. The colors are vibrant, the animation
is fantastic. The best quality animation I think I've ever seen. Then, on
top of it, the story is good, and the voice acting is great. It has some
very legitimate funny parts, and it has a short enough running time to keep
everyone engaged. Disney's crazy for letting Pixar go, at least from an
artistic standpoint.

3. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

I love Terminator 2. Definitely in my top 10 movies. It was not without a
significant amount of trepidation I went to see T3, worried that Mostow
would trounce all over what I consider to be Cameron's true masterpiece.
While he didn't do it up quite as fancy as I imagine Cameron would, he made
a worthy successor, which is no small accomplishment. It's also impressive
that I think it stands on its own as a good action movie. I don't think
they're making nearly enough standard action movies these days. Sure, there
are comedy/action movies, and spoofs, but very few serious action movies
that aren't absurdly scripted. It was also nice that Schwarzenegger and Co.
could poke fun at themselves. If you like T2, I highly recommend you see
T3. It won't blow your socks off, but you'll have a pretty good time.

2. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Gasp! Why's it not number one? Well, If I spend this paragraph explaining
why it's not number one on the list, I fear that I'll be detracting from
this magnificent movie. It's beautiful, rousing, detailed, majestic, and
touching. The Sam/Frodo story is fantastic - Sam's loyalty and dedication
is truly inspiring. Throughout the trilogy I have been amazed at the love
that Jackson and his crew clearly have for the material, and how evident
that is in every single shot. This is truly a fantastic trilogy, and should
go down in history as one of the best series of all time. I suppose I'd be
remiss if I didn't explain why it's not number one on my list, though. Let
me make it simple: I just didn't _feel_ as inspired by it as I had hoped.
Maybe it was the lack of depth conveyed in the main heroes (Gandalf,
Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli) and their actions. Maybe it was how the Army of
the Dead (I forget if that's what their name is, but you know what I'm
talking about) swooping in really seemed like deus ex machina. Maybe it's
that the "Scouring" was cut out, and I think that's a critical plot point.
Maybe it's because I knew what was going to happen, and the book adhered to
the story TOO closely. Whatever it is, I just wasn't as moved as I hoped to
be. The first movie really grabs me - this one, not as much. I appreciate
it on more of an intellectual level than an emotional one, and I wish I had
been more affected.

So, what movie could trump the LOTR juggernaut?...

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1. Kill Bill: Volume 1

Before you jump to conclusions about why I put this first, let me get a
couple of things out of the way. First of all, I don't even like Uma
Thurman. I find her weird looking. Somehow, she fits perfectly into this
movie. Second of all, I don't worship Tarantino. I love Reservoir Dogs, but
I hated Jackie Brown (it would likely make my 10 worst movies ever list),
and frankly, I don't think Pulp Fiction is all that good. But Kill Bill is
fantastic. First of all, I think it's probably one of the most creative
movies of the year. It definitely gets bonus points for that - too many
directors are formulaic, and adhere to a strict style - namely, a lack of
style. But actually veering from the norm and succeeding warrants a lot of
approval. Many of his scenes are legitimately cool, and they rarely seem
forced or contrived, despite the fact that very few people actually talk
like his characters. They do in Tarantino-land, and you accept it.

I love the fact that Tarantino takes typically frowned-upon genres and
elevates them to art. I don't even think that all of his scenes or dialogue
works - in particular, the exchange between the Bride and Vivica Fox's
character is awkward - but he's always making the effort. There's always
something interesting to look at, and usually he'll frame shots so as to
illustrate a juxtaposition or a theme. His use of music to accent his
scenes and plots is incredible, too. How can a soundtrack have Zamfir AND
Isaac Hayes on it? Better than that, how can it work so well? Unlike Pulp
Fiction, which I feel doesn't really have a compelling plot, he's added
just enough of a simple plot to keep the story moving (the Bride wants
revenge), but still allow him the freedom to tell his story through his own
visual style.

There's also the idea of expectation. Frequently, my expectations will be
set up by a trailer, or a review, or the director's previous work. And
often, I'm completely let down - usually because I felt I've seen a movie
that's been done before. With Kill Bill, due to Tarantino's past
unevenness, I had no idea what to expect going in - when I left, I realized
that I just had a hell of a lot of fun. I wasn't disappointed - instead, I
felt that I had been challenged a bit, but I like being pushed by movies.
Not all of the stylistic choices make sense, but a lot did - some were just
plain cool, some were colorful or otherwise aesthetically pleasing, but
he's trying to satisfy you, as a viewer, all of the time. And, I felt, he
succeeded. I loved the feeling of satisfaction I had upon exiting the
theater, knowing that I had just seen a completely original and utterly
enjoyable movie. It was all too rare this past year.