Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Marketing Wizards
I don't often get the pleasure of watching commercials, mostly thanks to our Lord and Master, TiVo. (See previous post for more detailed prayers of thanks.) However, once in a while, I have no choice. For instance, I was recently tied to my couch and had my eyelids taped open. Hey, look, when you're a software engineer, sometimes you have wild and crazy adventures. But I digress...
At any rate, sometimes I really wonder about the rate of return companies get on these things. How much do they cost to produce? To hire the marketing wizards that write them? And then, likely the most expensive part - the air time? Is the benefit really worth it? In some cases, it must be. Some cases, though, mystify me. Who came up with these things? Are they really effective? There are a lot of stupid people around (so I hear - I never encounter any of them), but are they THAT stupid? I've learned not to underestimate how stupid people can be, but really, can the following ads penetrate even the thinnest of skulls?
Beer as a Sports Drink
You know the ad I'm talking about. The one that looks like a Gatorade commercial, with people doing sports and sweating, and then reveals itself to be an ad for Michelob Ultra. I know, it has like zero carbs. And we all know carbs are evil - one carb is as bad as eating a full stick of butter. Still. Does anyone think of beer as a diet drink? As something that will enhance your athletic performance? "My Frank, you're running a lot faster today." "Well, Harvey, I did drink five bottles of Michelob Ultra before coming jogging with you."
Halliburton Doesn't Kick Puppies. Really
These ads have already been thoroughly mocked, but I really can't see them without laughing so hard that I start to lose consciousness. There are two that I've seen: One shows all the thinks Halliburton does for the US military, and ends with a soldier tearing up as he calls home and gets the news that his new baby is a girl. I think it'd be funny if they then showed the price of that phone call to be 600 hundred dollars, since Halliburton is grossly overcharging the government. It's really amusing because it's so earnest, yet so contrived at the same time. I know they're stuffing a lot of money in their pockets, but if they're going to make the ad in the first place, they might as well find real actors that seem remotely realistic. The second Halliburton ad is basically the CEO talking to the camera, explaining why Halliburton isn't all that bad. It seems so insincere that it's certainly not going to sway any minds. In fact, for those people that haven't heard of Halliburton, I imagine it'll just make them wonder why the CEO seems compelled to defend himself in a poorly produced ad in the first place. He ends with something like, "We got these contracts because of what we know, not who we know." Ok, I'll just take your word for it.
You Gotta Eat!
I just saw this today. It's for the restaurant chain "Checkers". Their tag line is "You Gotta Eat!" This may be the most poorly conceived tag line ever. Nothing about the quality of their food. Nothing about their service or atmosphere, or how they're fun or whatever. No, basically, you should eat at Checkers because you gotta eat. You can't just go around not eating! You gotta eat! And if you're close to a Checkers, well, go there, because, um, you gotta eat. And there are probably no other options. Unless you know how to detect what foliage is edible and what isn't. I hear that phrase and I picture someone really depressed, refusing to do anything. All of his friends are trying to cheer this person up, but to no avail. He gets worse and worse, and at one point stops eating. His friends are all worried about him, telling him "You Gotta Eat!" Maybe they take him to Checkers and he mopily eats a hamburger. They should have tried: "Checkers: We Serve Food". Or "Checkers - When There Are No Other Options".
I'm sure there are lot of other examples. What are your examples of ads that are a complete waste of the marketing budget? I'm not talking about boring ones (car commercials, life insurance, etc.), but rather ones that give a message so moronic or counter-productive to the aims of the soliciting company that they never should have been aired in the first place. C'mon, share with the class.
At any rate, sometimes I really wonder about the rate of return companies get on these things. How much do they cost to produce? To hire the marketing wizards that write them? And then, likely the most expensive part - the air time? Is the benefit really worth it? In some cases, it must be. Some cases, though, mystify me. Who came up with these things? Are they really effective? There are a lot of stupid people around (so I hear - I never encounter any of them), but are they THAT stupid? I've learned not to underestimate how stupid people can be, but really, can the following ads penetrate even the thinnest of skulls?
Beer as a Sports Drink
You know the ad I'm talking about. The one that looks like a Gatorade commercial, with people doing sports and sweating, and then reveals itself to be an ad for Michelob Ultra. I know, it has like zero carbs. And we all know carbs are evil - one carb is as bad as eating a full stick of butter. Still. Does anyone think of beer as a diet drink? As something that will enhance your athletic performance? "My Frank, you're running a lot faster today." "Well, Harvey, I did drink five bottles of Michelob Ultra before coming jogging with you."
Halliburton Doesn't Kick Puppies. Really
These ads have already been thoroughly mocked, but I really can't see them without laughing so hard that I start to lose consciousness. There are two that I've seen: One shows all the thinks Halliburton does for the US military, and ends with a soldier tearing up as he calls home and gets the news that his new baby is a girl. I think it'd be funny if they then showed the price of that phone call to be 600 hundred dollars, since Halliburton is grossly overcharging the government. It's really amusing because it's so earnest, yet so contrived at the same time. I know they're stuffing a lot of money in their pockets, but if they're going to make the ad in the first place, they might as well find real actors that seem remotely realistic. The second Halliburton ad is basically the CEO talking to the camera, explaining why Halliburton isn't all that bad. It seems so insincere that it's certainly not going to sway any minds. In fact, for those people that haven't heard of Halliburton, I imagine it'll just make them wonder why the CEO seems compelled to defend himself in a poorly produced ad in the first place. He ends with something like, "We got these contracts because of what we know, not who we know." Ok, I'll just take your word for it.
You Gotta Eat!
I just saw this today. It's for the restaurant chain "Checkers". Their tag line is "You Gotta Eat!" This may be the most poorly conceived tag line ever. Nothing about the quality of their food. Nothing about their service or atmosphere, or how they're fun or whatever. No, basically, you should eat at Checkers because you gotta eat. You can't just go around not eating! You gotta eat! And if you're close to a Checkers, well, go there, because, um, you gotta eat. And there are probably no other options. Unless you know how to detect what foliage is edible and what isn't. I hear that phrase and I picture someone really depressed, refusing to do anything. All of his friends are trying to cheer this person up, but to no avail. He gets worse and worse, and at one point stops eating. His friends are all worried about him, telling him "You Gotta Eat!" Maybe they take him to Checkers and he mopily eats a hamburger. They should have tried: "Checkers: We Serve Food". Or "Checkers - When There Are No Other Options".
I'm sure there are lot of other examples. What are your examples of ads that are a complete waste of the marketing budget? I'm not talking about boring ones (car commercials, life insurance, etc.), but rather ones that give a message so moronic or counter-productive to the aims of the soliciting company that they never should have been aired in the first place. C'mon, share with the class.
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