Friday, March 05, 2004
Taxes
I love doing my taxes. It's really quite fun. There's nothing like the satisfaction of following a lot of obscure instructions and filling out forms. I really like the part where I write a check, knowing full well that my money is most likely going to causes that I prefer it doesn't go to - to fund wars, religious organizations, political war chests (indirectly, of course - first it goes to Halliburton, and then right back to the war chests), and, of course, keeping Strom Thurmond's brain alive....don't pretend you don't know that's going on. His brain's going to run for Senate again in 2006. I think it would win, don't you?
But, truly, I can't complain about having to pay taxes. I wish the government was more efficient with my money, and more trustworthy, but in principle, at least, it's necessary for a functioning society. Without government, who would keep our airwaves safe? Our roads pothole-less? Who would tell us when daylight savings time starts? Who would mangle my mail? Oh, wait, that's me being cynical again. My bad.
No, really, what amazes me about taxes is how complicated they are. I hate to sound continuously cynical, but the average American is pretty dumb. I think of myself as reasonably intelligent. I'm definitely pretty good with math, and not too bad at all about following instructions. Before I had TiVo, I was actually capable of programming my VCR. So there.
My tax situation is pretty straightforward. I still find the tax instructions unnecessarily confusing. I know, I could buy something like TurboTax. Assuming that it wouldn't save me money by finding deductions (loopholes?) that I could exploit, I really can't justify spending that money on something I can do myself. Or at least, I freakin' should be able to do it myself. And darn it, I will!
So, remember, that there are millions of Americans who can't even operate a computer - not like you, dear internet-savvy reader. TurboTax isn't even an option. I doubt H+R Block is, either - most people that are dumb don't really know they're dumb. (Hmmm...I don't think I'm dumb. Does that mean I'm dumb? Damn!) So they likely don't get help. How can they fill these forms out properly? I can't begin to imagine them sitting around, calculating deductions, sorting through receipts, finding box 12-X on form 18237161218-FU. I guess, fortunately, for the government, by default, you pay almost everything, and it's usually up to you to figger out your deductions. If have additional earnings (capital gains, etc.), well, that means you're probably a little smarter than the average bear. (What's the tax rate on bears?)
One thing that amuses me about tax forms is how they've made things overly complicated in the name of trying to simplify things. First of all, there's the tax tables. What a waste of paper! Clearly, it's just a graduated scale. Instead of saying: If your adjusted gross income is between X and Y, multiply your adjusted gross income by Z to get your tax, they have this absurd table. C'mon - you know that would be easier. And save paper. And probably earn the government more, since they wouldn't have to round to the nearest 50 bucks. But such a system probably would be found to be somehow biased against people who don't own calculators. (Adding and subtracting you can do by hand...but multiplication! Well, that's a whole new can of pudding there, Charlie!)
There's also the whole adding mechanism on the form. Adding's associative! So's subtracting! (Well, kind of. Adding negative numbers is associative, at least.) The forms are usually like: Add A+B to get C. Add C+D to get E. Subtract F from E to get G. Hey, how about this: Add A plus B plus D and subtract F to get G. There you go! Saved you some writing! Maybe I should go work for the government. On second thought, that would probably result in a homicide. I think I'll just complain instead.
But, truly, I can't complain about having to pay taxes. I wish the government was more efficient with my money, and more trustworthy, but in principle, at least, it's necessary for a functioning society. Without government, who would keep our airwaves safe? Our roads pothole-less? Who would tell us when daylight savings time starts? Who would mangle my mail? Oh, wait, that's me being cynical again. My bad.
No, really, what amazes me about taxes is how complicated they are. I hate to sound continuously cynical, but the average American is pretty dumb. I think of myself as reasonably intelligent. I'm definitely pretty good with math, and not too bad at all about following instructions. Before I had TiVo, I was actually capable of programming my VCR. So there.
My tax situation is pretty straightforward. I still find the tax instructions unnecessarily confusing. I know, I could buy something like TurboTax. Assuming that it wouldn't save me money by finding deductions (loopholes?) that I could exploit, I really can't justify spending that money on something I can do myself. Or at least, I freakin' should be able to do it myself. And darn it, I will!
So, remember, that there are millions of Americans who can't even operate a computer - not like you, dear internet-savvy reader. TurboTax isn't even an option. I doubt H+R Block is, either - most people that are dumb don't really know they're dumb. (Hmmm...I don't think I'm dumb. Does that mean I'm dumb? Damn!) So they likely don't get help. How can they fill these forms out properly? I can't begin to imagine them sitting around, calculating deductions, sorting through receipts, finding box 12-X on form 18237161218-FU. I guess, fortunately, for the government, by default, you pay almost everything, and it's usually up to you to figger out your deductions. If have additional earnings (capital gains, etc.), well, that means you're probably a little smarter than the average bear. (What's the tax rate on bears?)
One thing that amuses me about tax forms is how they've made things overly complicated in the name of trying to simplify things. First of all, there's the tax tables. What a waste of paper! Clearly, it's just a graduated scale. Instead of saying: If your adjusted gross income is between X and Y, multiply your adjusted gross income by Z to get your tax, they have this absurd table. C'mon - you know that would be easier. And save paper. And probably earn the government more, since they wouldn't have to round to the nearest 50 bucks. But such a system probably would be found to be somehow biased against people who don't own calculators. (Adding and subtracting you can do by hand...but multiplication! Well, that's a whole new can of pudding there, Charlie!)
There's also the whole adding mechanism on the form. Adding's associative! So's subtracting! (Well, kind of. Adding negative numbers is associative, at least.) The forms are usually like: Add A+B to get C. Add C+D to get E. Subtract F from E to get G. Hey, how about this: Add A plus B plus D and subtract F to get G. There you go! Saved you some writing! Maybe I should go work for the government. On second thought, that would probably result in a homicide. I think I'll just complain instead.
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