Sunday, October 17, 2004
Everybody Wins!
So, I was playing goalie in a soccer game this morning, and our team was doing pretty well. So well, in fact, that I was getting bored - no one was even coming close to shooting on me. As my mind wandered, I looked over to my left and saw a tee-ball game going on in the open field. It didn't look highly organized, but there were two games going on at once, and at least 5 kids participating in each game - and about 10 parents. It looked organized enough to be some sort of league.
Now, I recall playing tee-ball in my youth. The amusing thing about tee-ball is that, just like baseball, it has tons of rules. Hell, I know adults that don't understand the infield fly rule, nevermind five year olds. I was a big fan of baseball when I was really young, and I remember playing tee-ball with my equally prodigious friend, Jason. Because we knew the rules, we dominated! I remember playing second base and catching a line drive, then having Jason shout to me to throw it to first to double the poor kid off of first. We did, and we were heroes! Of course, we were playing with five-year olds. I remember watching my brother and his friend Pat play, and my brother would "pitch" (which involved standing where the pitcher would be, while the players hit off a tee), and Pat played first. Basically, they got everyone out, with my brother always fielding the ball and throwing it to first base. I remember learning a lot about the rules of the game then, and having a lot of fun.
Therefore, it was with more than just a hint of disdain that I watched this farce of a tee-ball game going on. Basically, kids would swing, and get to swing as many times as they wanted until they made contact. Then, the adults would engage in some bizarre dance, where they'd throw the ball to first, and the first baseman (all the fielders were adults) would flail around pretending to try to tag the kid running to first. Of course, he really only had to tag the base, but whatever. Then, when the kid had run around the first baseman, he'd throw it to second. The same thing would happen, and then the throw would go to third, and then home. At each base, the throw would arrive before the runner, but the fielder would just pretend that he couldn't catch the kid. Everyone got a homerun! Yay! I'm not sure how the inning (nevermind the game) ever ended, as, sadly, the other team had a shot on goal at about this time.
I completely understand that it's healthy for kids to play sports and for them to get their confidence up. But there are better ways to do it. Playing this farce of a sport just sets their expectations too high, and it seems pretty unhealthy to me. In sports, just like in life, people win and lose, people succeed and fail. If you set kids up to succeed every single time, when they enter the real world, they're not going to know how to handle failure gracefully. It feeds into this ridiculous myth we feed our children that they can do whatever they want to do. I'm all for optimism, but the fact is they can't always do whatever they want.
I know we'd like to believe that hard work will conquer all obstacles, and desire is more important than skill, but sometimes that just isn't the case. That doesn't mean that hard work and drive can't overcome a lot - but I'd rather have my kid fail and then realize he has to work harder than to just succeed all the time so he believes he can always succeed at whatever he tries. And sometimes, it's just not gonna happen. I'm not going to be and NFL linebacker, or an NBA center. At this point, I'm probably not going to be President or even the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Sure, I could try for some of those things, but I'm glad that I know they're virtually unreachable now, instead of thinking that I can do whatever the hell I want because I've never failed.
I know, it's just tee-ball. They didn't mean any harm. It's not going to ruin our country. But Americans are really obsessed with being number one at everything. We're definitely focused on being the best. I don't mind striving, but sometimes it's unhealthy. And it starts when you're a kid. I don't buy into the idea that if you never lose, you won't ever settle for not reaching a goal. Rather, I believe that if you never lose, you'll never learn what's really important, which is setting realistic goals, and working as hard as possible to meet them, and then trying again if you fail.
Goals? What goals!? Shit! I better go back to paying attention to the soccer game...
Now, I recall playing tee-ball in my youth. The amusing thing about tee-ball is that, just like baseball, it has tons of rules. Hell, I know adults that don't understand the infield fly rule, nevermind five year olds. I was a big fan of baseball when I was really young, and I remember playing tee-ball with my equally prodigious friend, Jason. Because we knew the rules, we dominated! I remember playing second base and catching a line drive, then having Jason shout to me to throw it to first to double the poor kid off of first. We did, and we were heroes! Of course, we were playing with five-year olds. I remember watching my brother and his friend Pat play, and my brother would "pitch" (which involved standing where the pitcher would be, while the players hit off a tee), and Pat played first. Basically, they got everyone out, with my brother always fielding the ball and throwing it to first base. I remember learning a lot about the rules of the game then, and having a lot of fun.
Therefore, it was with more than just a hint of disdain that I watched this farce of a tee-ball game going on. Basically, kids would swing, and get to swing as many times as they wanted until they made contact. Then, the adults would engage in some bizarre dance, where they'd throw the ball to first, and the first baseman (all the fielders were adults) would flail around pretending to try to tag the kid running to first. Of course, he really only had to tag the base, but whatever. Then, when the kid had run around the first baseman, he'd throw it to second. The same thing would happen, and then the throw would go to third, and then home. At each base, the throw would arrive before the runner, but the fielder would just pretend that he couldn't catch the kid. Everyone got a homerun! Yay! I'm not sure how the inning (nevermind the game) ever ended, as, sadly, the other team had a shot on goal at about this time.
I completely understand that it's healthy for kids to play sports and for them to get their confidence up. But there are better ways to do it. Playing this farce of a sport just sets their expectations too high, and it seems pretty unhealthy to me. In sports, just like in life, people win and lose, people succeed and fail. If you set kids up to succeed every single time, when they enter the real world, they're not going to know how to handle failure gracefully. It feeds into this ridiculous myth we feed our children that they can do whatever they want to do. I'm all for optimism, but the fact is they can't always do whatever they want.
I know we'd like to believe that hard work will conquer all obstacles, and desire is more important than skill, but sometimes that just isn't the case. That doesn't mean that hard work and drive can't overcome a lot - but I'd rather have my kid fail and then realize he has to work harder than to just succeed all the time so he believes he can always succeed at whatever he tries. And sometimes, it's just not gonna happen. I'm not going to be and NFL linebacker, or an NBA center. At this point, I'm probably not going to be President or even the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Sure, I could try for some of those things, but I'm glad that I know they're virtually unreachable now, instead of thinking that I can do whatever the hell I want because I've never failed.
I know, it's just tee-ball. They didn't mean any harm. It's not going to ruin our country. But Americans are really obsessed with being number one at everything. We're definitely focused on being the best. I don't mind striving, but sometimes it's unhealthy. And it starts when you're a kid. I don't buy into the idea that if you never lose, you won't ever settle for not reaching a goal. Rather, I believe that if you never lose, you'll never learn what's really important, which is setting realistic goals, and working as hard as possible to meet them, and then trying again if you fail.
Goals? What goals!? Shit! I better go back to paying attention to the soccer game...
Comments:
I played softball for five years and, let's face it, I pretty much sucked. But I had nice coaches most of the time and they let me play anyway. Until I was in ninth grade and my coaches (there were at least five of them) made use of the "two inning" rule. This said that each player must be on the field at least two innings per game. And so I played my two innings and sat on the bench the rest of the time while the coaches' daughters were favored instead. This was the worst part about playing softball. Not the fact that I wasn't very good at it, but being practicially ignored by a coach. So I understand the tee-ball philosophy, but I guess it's not ideal for serious ball players. Like my little brother who was an all-star from the time he was five.
I don't want you to think that I believe children's sports should be all about winning. For the longest time I was a no-hit second baseman, and never got to play because the coach wanted all sluggers up there. I really resented being stuck on the bench, and it did take some of the fun out of the game. BUT, it made my successes later much sweeter, and it made me understand how to earn something - I don't think there's enough of that these days.
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