Sunday, September 18, 2005
Inefficiency
In case any of you wonder why I was never quite the ladies' man (and I doubt any of you are wondering), it may not surprise you that I have uttered to women on more than one occasion, "I'm all about efficiency, baby." And while I don't apply that philosophy to all aspects of my life (certainly not the illicit subjects I'm sure you're snickering about right now) (and yes, I know how people might extrapolate that statement and apply it to those subjects, but suffice it to say that I don't think I've ever said that phrase within 10 minutes of any state of undress), for some reason, inefficiency seriously bothers me.
Of course, simple slowness bothers everyone. No one likes getting stuck in traffic, or being on hold, or waiting at the DMV, or talking to people who fall asleep in the middle of sentences. But for some reason, I'm always optimizing, and often get disproportionately frustrated when I see small things that could be easily made more efficient, but aren't. If you're a dedicated "In The Big Inning..." reader (and, honestly, I don't have enough readers to group into "dedicated" and "undedicated" classes at this point, so the fact that you're reading this means that I consider you sufficiently dedicated, so go back and read what I'm talking about if you missed it), you might recall me complaining about waiting to get off of airlines, or other inefficiencies. I probably could write a book on the topic of little inefficiencies that really bother me, but that would be a monumental waste of time. Instead, I'll just waste time, but less of it, by complaining here. See, I'm even optimizing my time wasting!
The latest inefficiency-related pet peeve of mine regards being on hold and talking to automated systems. And I realize that automated phone systems themselves are a common complaint, but bear with me. Although, I will say that I'm impatient enough that as soon as I get a machine, I start punching "0", or if it's one of those completely moronic systems that only listens to your voice, I say "help" and "operator" over and over again until I get a live human. Really, you should try this system; it's quite effective.
But, back to my particular complaint. So, I'm at work, and realize that I need to call some customer service line. I dial, and lean back in my seat, ready to sit on hold. Then, before they let me do anything, I have to enter my phone number. Fine, I can do that. I sit forward, enter it in, and then wait on hold. After some silly amount of time waiting, a person finally comes on the phone. I'm all excited about talking to a real person, and what's the first thing they ask? My phone number. What a waste of time! Maybe people wouldn't be on hold so long if they didn't have to enter in their numbers twice! I realize that the first time is probably just to authenticate me and make sure I'm a customer, but I'm confident that technology has progressed enough that they can track my call and know who has been waiting. Hell, I've seen it done before. Even worse is when it's a credit card company and I have to enter in my credit card number: That's 6 more digits! Plus, usually I've already put my credit card away after entering it the first time: That's wasted movement.
I know, this seems like a stupid thing to complain about, and you're right, it is. I don't know why it bugs me so much. I've asked an operator or two why I have to tell them my info when I already entered it, but they never seem to have the answer. The stupider thing is that I almost definitely would spend that extra 1.5 seconds (accumulated 600 times over the previous year - remember I just moved and have therefore spent a lot of time on the phone with customer service) on something completely stupid, like watching "Big Brother 6" on TiVo, but at least it would be MY 1.5 seconds. Hey, remember, I said I'm all about efficiency, baby, not logic. What, that doesn't turn you on?
Of course, simple slowness bothers everyone. No one likes getting stuck in traffic, or being on hold, or waiting at the DMV, or talking to people who fall asleep in the middle of sentences. But for some reason, I'm always optimizing, and often get disproportionately frustrated when I see small things that could be easily made more efficient, but aren't. If you're a dedicated "In The Big Inning..." reader (and, honestly, I don't have enough readers to group into "dedicated" and "undedicated" classes at this point, so the fact that you're reading this means that I consider you sufficiently dedicated, so go back and read what I'm talking about if you missed it), you might recall me complaining about waiting to get off of airlines, or other inefficiencies. I probably could write a book on the topic of little inefficiencies that really bother me, but that would be a monumental waste of time. Instead, I'll just waste time, but less of it, by complaining here. See, I'm even optimizing my time wasting!
The latest inefficiency-related pet peeve of mine regards being on hold and talking to automated systems. And I realize that automated phone systems themselves are a common complaint, but bear with me. Although, I will say that I'm impatient enough that as soon as I get a machine, I start punching "0", or if it's one of those completely moronic systems that only listens to your voice, I say "help" and "operator" over and over again until I get a live human. Really, you should try this system; it's quite effective.
But, back to my particular complaint. So, I'm at work, and realize that I need to call some customer service line. I dial, and lean back in my seat, ready to sit on hold. Then, before they let me do anything, I have to enter my phone number. Fine, I can do that. I sit forward, enter it in, and then wait on hold. After some silly amount of time waiting, a person finally comes on the phone. I'm all excited about talking to a real person, and what's the first thing they ask? My phone number. What a waste of time! Maybe people wouldn't be on hold so long if they didn't have to enter in their numbers twice! I realize that the first time is probably just to authenticate me and make sure I'm a customer, but I'm confident that technology has progressed enough that they can track my call and know who has been waiting. Hell, I've seen it done before. Even worse is when it's a credit card company and I have to enter in my credit card number: That's 6 more digits! Plus, usually I've already put my credit card away after entering it the first time: That's wasted movement.
I know, this seems like a stupid thing to complain about, and you're right, it is. I don't know why it bugs me so much. I've asked an operator or two why I have to tell them my info when I already entered it, but they never seem to have the answer. The stupider thing is that I almost definitely would spend that extra 1.5 seconds (accumulated 600 times over the previous year - remember I just moved and have therefore spent a lot of time on the phone with customer service) on something completely stupid, like watching "Big Brother 6" on TiVo, but at least it would be MY 1.5 seconds. Hey, remember, I said I'm all about efficiency, baby, not logic. What, that doesn't turn you on?
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