Monday, October 31, 2005
The Collector
Take a look at these pictures. They are clearly the work of someone not of sound mind. What kind of sociopath would spend so much time on such a seemingly worthless endeavor? The meticulousness reveals a disturbing attention to detail that is usually only found in mass murderers.
Ok, I admit it. The psycho responsible for this unsettling display is none other than myself. But my masterpiece is finally complete! I have acquired every single Simpsons Action Figure ever made. Well, that's not entirely true: I do not own the incredibly rare Save Blinky Bart, an oversight that gnaws at my soul each and every waking hour. But other than that, my masterpiece is done. Every figure in the 16 different series of action figures, I have. Every playset, I have. All of the special releases, including the ones you had to mail away for, I have. All the limited edition releases, I have. As I warned you, I am a dangerous, obsessive man, with a near pathological contempt for societal norms.
It was my so-called friend Dave Shear who started me down this dark, twisted road. Back in 2001, he purchased my first figure for me, one Ned Flanders. I was intrigued, and investigated this compelling line of toys. Much to my dismay, they had already released four waves of figures, many of which were sold out of the toy stores. Many of the special releases were no longer available. I tracked them down all over the state, voyaging from Toys 'R Us to Toys 'R Us, searching their shelves for old, rare figures. Often, I had to resort to eBay, as my urge would not abate.
Sadly, my obsession grew, continuing unchecked as new figures were released. Sometimes they were easy to fine, but often they were not. I was undeterred. I mailed away for special releases, and even called in a few favors from someone in the action figure business in order to obtain the rarest of the figures. Unlike the really, really crazy people, I did not leave the figures in their packaging. I opened them, allowing them to exhibit their "talking" feature in various playsets, revealing their true glory. My collection took up more and more space, both literally and metaphorically - I bought barrister bookcases (Actually, Sam gave me one as a gift one year) to properly display the little plastic effigies.
The Simpsons line was actually one of the longest-lived, most thorough line of action figures ever released. I like to believe that I am simply paying homage to a worthy recipient. The glorious line finally died out at Series 16, but I delayed obtaining the last 6 figures, possibly not wanting to believe that my life would no longer have a purpose once I had collected them all. The latest figures arrived today; the road ahead remains dark and unknown.
Yet I remain strong. Other opportunities will present themselves; indeed, they must. In the meantime, I present detailed photographs highlighting the passion of a true collector. I must warn you that these detailed figures are quite disturbing, as they reveal a truly disconcerting mindset. To merely gaze upon them may drive you into madness. Continue at your own risk!
And there you have it. A frightening look into the abyss. The implications are too numerous too outline here, and I fear that I have disturbed you enough with this look at my collection. Indeed, it is just a glimpse into dementia. And now, I remain an obssessive man without a target, a barely seaworthy boat adrift in a dark, dangerous sea. One day, I will once again find another mooring, but until then, I remain...
The COLLECTOR!
Ok, I admit it. The psycho responsible for this unsettling display is none other than myself. But my masterpiece is finally complete! I have acquired every single Simpsons Action Figure ever made. Well, that's not entirely true: I do not own the incredibly rare Save Blinky Bart, an oversight that gnaws at my soul each and every waking hour. But other than that, my masterpiece is done. Every figure in the 16 different series of action figures, I have. Every playset, I have. All of the special releases, including the ones you had to mail away for, I have. All the limited edition releases, I have. As I warned you, I am a dangerous, obsessive man, with a near pathological contempt for societal norms.
It was my so-called friend Dave Shear who started me down this dark, twisted road. Back in 2001, he purchased my first figure for me, one Ned Flanders. I was intrigued, and investigated this compelling line of toys. Much to my dismay, they had already released four waves of figures, many of which were sold out of the toy stores. Many of the special releases were no longer available. I tracked them down all over the state, voyaging from Toys 'R Us to Toys 'R Us, searching their shelves for old, rare figures. Often, I had to resort to eBay, as my urge would not abate.
Sadly, my obsession grew, continuing unchecked as new figures were released. Sometimes they were easy to fine, but often they were not. I was undeterred. I mailed away for special releases, and even called in a few favors from someone in the action figure business in order to obtain the rarest of the figures. Unlike the really, really crazy people, I did not leave the figures in their packaging. I opened them, allowing them to exhibit their "talking" feature in various playsets, revealing their true glory. My collection took up more and more space, both literally and metaphorically - I bought barrister bookcases (Actually, Sam gave me one as a gift one year) to properly display the little plastic effigies.
The Simpsons line was actually one of the longest-lived, most thorough line of action figures ever released. I like to believe that I am simply paying homage to a worthy recipient. The glorious line finally died out at Series 16, but I delayed obtaining the last 6 figures, possibly not wanting to believe that my life would no longer have a purpose once I had collected them all. The latest figures arrived today; the road ahead remains dark and unknown.
Yet I remain strong. Other opportunities will present themselves; indeed, they must. In the meantime, I present detailed photographs highlighting the passion of a true collector. I must warn you that these detailed figures are quite disturbing, as they reveal a truly disconcerting mindset. To merely gaze upon them may drive you into madness. Continue at your own risk!
And there you have it. A frightening look into the abyss. The implications are too numerous too outline here, and I fear that I have disturbed you enough with this look at my collection. Indeed, it is just a glimpse into dementia. And now, I remain an obssessive man without a target, a barely seaworthy boat adrift in a dark, dangerous sea. One day, I will once again find another mooring, but until then, I remain...
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Pain In The Back
The title pretty much says it all. Ever since I returned from Vegas (and no, I wasn't lifting any boulders or paying strippers to dance on my spine), my back's been hurting. I've written before how I don't like getting old, and I'm starting to show more symptoms of actually being mortal, but this is definitely the most annoying it's been. At first, I thought it was just a crick in my neck from sleeping funny (and I've definitely started having that happen more often as I grow ancient and brittle), but this was different. The first couple of days, I was sore in the morning, and then the pain slowly subsided. However, at the beginning of last week, my soreness was persisting longer and longer into the day. Also, strangely enough, it was spreading to my back. On Wednesday, it lasted the whole day, and then on Thursday, when I got up it was as bad as its been. It's rarely excruciating, except if I turn in a "wrong" direction. And I define "wrong" as anything that hurts.
So, Thursday, I decided I needed to actually call a doctor. Those who know me realize that something usually has to be seriously wrong for me to call a doctor. I also decided to stay home from work, reasoning that sitting all day hunched over a keyboard was probably not a good idea. I figured if I spent the whole day lying down, I'd get better. So, I ended up sleeping until 1:30, and then laid on the couch for the rest of the day, with a heating pad on my back. I made a doctor's appointment, but the next time they had free was this coming Thursday, so I took it. I thought I'd be ok as long as things didn't get any worse.
So far, they haven't gotten worse, but they haven't gotten better. I went to work on Friday, and just basically took frequent breaks between typing. I also brought my heating pad to work. Because I've never had back problems (or, really, any serious pain-related problems), I have no idea what could be wrong. I've looked on the internet, and it doesn't really seem like I have something horrible. But at the same time, the discomfort (I hesitate to see pain) is pretty constant, and doesn't get much better. I've been taking Tylenol and Advil, but they don't do much. Sometimes it goes away for a bit, but it always seems to come back. Not having had anything like this before, and not being able to feel anyone else's pain, I can't really tell if I'm just being a big baby, or if I've really screwed something up. Also, the pain seems to jump around - it's pretty constant in the middle of the back, sometimes towards the right side, and often near the top, but them sometimes it's in the neck, and sometimes in the lower back. Maybe I'm compensating for one type of back pain without knowing it, and causing other back pain?
The other mystifying thing is that I can't put my finger on what touched this off. I hadn't played softball in two weeks, so it wasn't that. I really didn't lift anything or sleep really weirdly (that I could tell). I've stopped lifting weights for the time being, and I haven't been running either, for fear of exacerbating the situation. I suppose it could be years of hunching over a keyboard is finally catching up to me, but I kind of assumed that would come on gradually and get worse and worse and worse, and not go away. But, what the hell do I know? All I know is, it's pretty annoying. And the fact that I spent long enough over a keyboard to write this should leave you in awe of my dedication to this blog. Let it not be said that I didn't suffer for my craft!
So, Thursday, I decided I needed to actually call a doctor. Those who know me realize that something usually has to be seriously wrong for me to call a doctor. I also decided to stay home from work, reasoning that sitting all day hunched over a keyboard was probably not a good idea. I figured if I spent the whole day lying down, I'd get better. So, I ended up sleeping until 1:30, and then laid on the couch for the rest of the day, with a heating pad on my back. I made a doctor's appointment, but the next time they had free was this coming Thursday, so I took it. I thought I'd be ok as long as things didn't get any worse.
So far, they haven't gotten worse, but they haven't gotten better. I went to work on Friday, and just basically took frequent breaks between typing. I also brought my heating pad to work. Because I've never had back problems (or, really, any serious pain-related problems), I have no idea what could be wrong. I've looked on the internet, and it doesn't really seem like I have something horrible. But at the same time, the discomfort (I hesitate to see pain) is pretty constant, and doesn't get much better. I've been taking Tylenol and Advil, but they don't do much. Sometimes it goes away for a bit, but it always seems to come back. Not having had anything like this before, and not being able to feel anyone else's pain, I can't really tell if I'm just being a big baby, or if I've really screwed something up. Also, the pain seems to jump around - it's pretty constant in the middle of the back, sometimes towards the right side, and often near the top, but them sometimes it's in the neck, and sometimes in the lower back. Maybe I'm compensating for one type of back pain without knowing it, and causing other back pain?
The other mystifying thing is that I can't put my finger on what touched this off. I hadn't played softball in two weeks, so it wasn't that. I really didn't lift anything or sleep really weirdly (that I could tell). I've stopped lifting weights for the time being, and I haven't been running either, for fear of exacerbating the situation. I suppose it could be years of hunching over a keyboard is finally catching up to me, but I kind of assumed that would come on gradually and get worse and worse and worse, and not go away. But, what the hell do I know? All I know is, it's pretty annoying. And the fact that I spent long enough over a keyboard to write this should leave you in awe of my dedication to this blog. Let it not be said that I didn't suffer for my craft!
Sunday, October 16, 2005
What Happens In Vegas...
...is going to be written about in this post. Gosh, what a stupid phrase. It used to be moderately amusing, but when a phrase is co-opted by the travel industry, you know it's jumped the shark.
At any rate, I'm still recovering, and not because I did anything crazy, aside from not getting a whole lot of sleep. (I know, that's craaaaazy.) Basically, I've had a lot of email writing to do since my return, and I just don't feel like typing all that much. Fortunately, I believe that almost all of the few people that actually read my blog probably already know about what I did in Vegas anyways, so I'm not going to feel too guilty about the brevity of this post. I'll think of it as a little diary for myself to remember about my exciting exploits when I'm old and crotchety.
Our annual Vegas trip is actually pretty much old hat by now. A bunch of us go to Vegas for a few days, and just have a good time. We stay up late, gamble a lot, and just have a good time seeing each other. I've gotten to be a pretty "good" gambler in the past few years, and by that I mean I know how to lose the least amount of money while still gambling. (The smartasses out there will say that the way to lose the least amount of money is not to play, which is why I qualified my statement.) I basically think of it as paying for entertainment, but I always set a limit for how much I'm willing to lose, and never go under that. I'd say the last ten times I've gambled, I've walked away up nine of them, so I must be doing something right. Also, I've been incredibly lucky.
So, what occurred that was novel on this trip? Well:
- I believe we spent the first 36 hours straight inside a casino. We gambled a ton, and went to the pool for about two hours, but that was it. There was some sleeping, but not a whole lot.
- I placed my first sports bet ever. It was on the Cardinals. I bet 50 bucks to win about 35. It was fun rooting for the Cards, and we won, so I considered that a good omen.
- Due to my sports betting luck, I placed five more bets the next day. The first one was on the Ravens - I bet 40 to win 38 or so. They lost. Also, because we were betting on football on a Sunday, the book dudes were pretty harried. As a result, I went to bet 20 bucks on the Titans to win, but the guy mistakenly entered it at 40 bucks, and I didn't notice until I was out of line. I won that bet, so I actually bet 20 to win 96. That was fortunately. Later, I bet 50 bucks on the Redskins to win 110, but they lost (by only 2!). I also bet 50 bucks on the Eagles to win by 3, and they lost by approximately 20 or so. My final sports bet was on the Angels to beat the Yankees in Game 4. I bet 60 to win 108. They basically gave the game away. So, that aspect was a little frustrating. But, it did mean we spent all day on Sunday in the sports book, which not only allowed us to watch all of the football games, but also all 18 innings of the Astros-Cardinals game. It was fun, in a slug-like way.
- The amusing part of being in the book for so long was when half of our group went to go gamble. It was the bottom of the 9th in the baseball game, so Dan told the guys that he'd join them as soon as the game ended. 3 hours later, they returned, as the second round of football games was finishing up, and the baseball game was still going. It was quite amusing.
- Speaking of Dan, he wore a Spider-Man outfit for part of the time we were in Vegas. One of our policies is that we're supposed to wear goofy clothes in Vegas, mostly because we can get away with it and no one minds. We wear ugly Hawaiian prints, or shiny ridiculous club shirts, but Dan upped the ante. We even went into a nice Steakhouse with Dan in Spidey mode, but he didn't wear the mask. Wuss.
- Why were we in a nice Steakhouse? Because I won a poker tournament at Binion's. It was pretty freakin' awesome. I've basically only played in small games with my friends, and I've done pretty well. Last year, three of us played in a 110-person tournament there (they have daily tournaments for about 100 bucks), and I finished somewhere in the middle. This time, three of us entered again, although there were only 68 entrants. One of us finished around 25, and then Justin and I made the final table, which was pretty crazy. At the time, Justin had a ton of chips, and I was definitely among the bottom three or four in chips. But I stuck it out, getting decent cards, while Justin had pretty bad cards. He ended up going out fourth, while I slowly amassed a stack, being aggressive at the right time, and ultimately making the final two. The other guy offered to split the 1st and 2nd place prize with me, but I said no, mostly for the glory, not the money. I played very well against him and won. The rest of the guys stuck around for the whole thing, which ended up being five hours long, which was very nice of them. Afterwards, I took them all out to dinner at the Binion's Steakhouse with my winnings.
- I actually won about 2000 dollars from the poker tournament, but between my previous sports betting and my subsequent blackjack losses, I ended up only 300 up from the trip. Now, I certainly don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but that meant I got hit as hard at blackjack as I ever had been. I lost 500 twice in two different sittings.
- Blackjack wasn't all bad. Justin and I seem to have started this ridiculous game in which we see who can bet more on a single hand of blackjack. A few years ago I bet 100 bucks on one hand and won at the Venetian. That was a lot for me then, but I was only betting 5-10 per hand normally. Last year, Justin and I each did a 100 dollar bet at the Venetian, and both lost. The thrill wasn't quite there as much. Then, in Atlantic City earlier this year, I was up around 600 bucks in Atlantic City. (I think I wrote about this previously - the details may be wrong.) I took that into the high roller's room, vowing to turn it into either 1000 or nothing. I turned it into 950 before losing it all. This time, we had to up the ante. Of course now, I'm regularly playing 25 dollar hands of blackjack, so 100 bucks isn't that scary. Furthermore, since I count at blackjack, there are often times where I'm better more because I have a greater chance of winning. So, a couple times I had a 100 dollars or more on the table. (The reason I lost so much is because even though the count was in my favor, I lost those big hands, which means I was quite unlucky.) But that's not as nerve-wracking - I know I'm making the smart play. This time, I was down to only 175 up, and Justin said "I dare you to bet it all", as a new shoe started. I threw it all down and was dealt a 5 and a 3 to the dealer's 10. I was doomed. I hit and got a 10, giving me 18, but the dealer was likely to have a 20. She flipped her hole card and had a 7! I won! It was quite exciting - much more exciting than those piddly 25 dollar hands. I think I'm an addict. I ended up turning it into almost 600 bucks before finishing around 300 up. Not too shabby. While I was doing that, Justin was winning as well. He had been down the whole trip, but was now making his way back into the black. He got up, and I told him that since I had bet 175, he had to bet 200. He went for it, and while I don't remember the exact situation, he also was dealt a hand that he wasn't supposed to win, but the dealer busted. It was pretty exciting. A little too exciting, actually. Next time...500 a hand?
At any rate, I'm still recovering, and not because I did anything crazy, aside from not getting a whole lot of sleep. (I know, that's craaaaazy.) Basically, I've had a lot of email writing to do since my return, and I just don't feel like typing all that much. Fortunately, I believe that almost all of the few people that actually read my blog probably already know about what I did in Vegas anyways, so I'm not going to feel too guilty about the brevity of this post. I'll think of it as a little diary for myself to remember about my exciting exploits when I'm old and crotchety.
Our annual Vegas trip is actually pretty much old hat by now. A bunch of us go to Vegas for a few days, and just have a good time. We stay up late, gamble a lot, and just have a good time seeing each other. I've gotten to be a pretty "good" gambler in the past few years, and by that I mean I know how to lose the least amount of money while still gambling. (The smartasses out there will say that the way to lose the least amount of money is not to play, which is why I qualified my statement.) I basically think of it as paying for entertainment, but I always set a limit for how much I'm willing to lose, and never go under that. I'd say the last ten times I've gambled, I've walked away up nine of them, so I must be doing something right. Also, I've been incredibly lucky.
So, what occurred that was novel on this trip? Well:
- I believe we spent the first 36 hours straight inside a casino. We gambled a ton, and went to the pool for about two hours, but that was it. There was some sleeping, but not a whole lot.
- I placed my first sports bet ever. It was on the Cardinals. I bet 50 bucks to win about 35. It was fun rooting for the Cards, and we won, so I considered that a good omen.
- Due to my sports betting luck, I placed five more bets the next day. The first one was on the Ravens - I bet 40 to win 38 or so. They lost. Also, because we were betting on football on a Sunday, the book dudes were pretty harried. As a result, I went to bet 20 bucks on the Titans to win, but the guy mistakenly entered it at 40 bucks, and I didn't notice until I was out of line. I won that bet, so I actually bet 20 to win 96. That was fortunately. Later, I bet 50 bucks on the Redskins to win 110, but they lost (by only 2!). I also bet 50 bucks on the Eagles to win by 3, and they lost by approximately 20 or so. My final sports bet was on the Angels to beat the Yankees in Game 4. I bet 60 to win 108. They basically gave the game away. So, that aspect was a little frustrating. But, it did mean we spent all day on Sunday in the sports book, which not only allowed us to watch all of the football games, but also all 18 innings of the Astros-Cardinals game. It was fun, in a slug-like way.
- The amusing part of being in the book for so long was when half of our group went to go gamble. It was the bottom of the 9th in the baseball game, so Dan told the guys that he'd join them as soon as the game ended. 3 hours later, they returned, as the second round of football games was finishing up, and the baseball game was still going. It was quite amusing.
- Speaking of Dan, he wore a Spider-Man outfit for part of the time we were in Vegas. One of our policies is that we're supposed to wear goofy clothes in Vegas, mostly because we can get away with it and no one minds. We wear ugly Hawaiian prints, or shiny ridiculous club shirts, but Dan upped the ante. We even went into a nice Steakhouse with Dan in Spidey mode, but he didn't wear the mask. Wuss.
- Why were we in a nice Steakhouse? Because I won a poker tournament at Binion's. It was pretty freakin' awesome. I've basically only played in small games with my friends, and I've done pretty well. Last year, three of us played in a 110-person tournament there (they have daily tournaments for about 100 bucks), and I finished somewhere in the middle. This time, three of us entered again, although there were only 68 entrants. One of us finished around 25, and then Justin and I made the final table, which was pretty crazy. At the time, Justin had a ton of chips, and I was definitely among the bottom three or four in chips. But I stuck it out, getting decent cards, while Justin had pretty bad cards. He ended up going out fourth, while I slowly amassed a stack, being aggressive at the right time, and ultimately making the final two. The other guy offered to split the 1st and 2nd place prize with me, but I said no, mostly for the glory, not the money. I played very well against him and won. The rest of the guys stuck around for the whole thing, which ended up being five hours long, which was very nice of them. Afterwards, I took them all out to dinner at the Binion's Steakhouse with my winnings.
- I actually won about 2000 dollars from the poker tournament, but between my previous sports betting and my subsequent blackjack losses, I ended up only 300 up from the trip. Now, I certainly don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth, but that meant I got hit as hard at blackjack as I ever had been. I lost 500 twice in two different sittings.
- Blackjack wasn't all bad. Justin and I seem to have started this ridiculous game in which we see who can bet more on a single hand of blackjack. A few years ago I bet 100 bucks on one hand and won at the Venetian. That was a lot for me then, but I was only betting 5-10 per hand normally. Last year, Justin and I each did a 100 dollar bet at the Venetian, and both lost. The thrill wasn't quite there as much. Then, in Atlantic City earlier this year, I was up around 600 bucks in Atlantic City. (I think I wrote about this previously - the details may be wrong.) I took that into the high roller's room, vowing to turn it into either 1000 or nothing. I turned it into 950 before losing it all. This time, we had to up the ante. Of course now, I'm regularly playing 25 dollar hands of blackjack, so 100 bucks isn't that scary. Furthermore, since I count at blackjack, there are often times where I'm better more because I have a greater chance of winning. So, a couple times I had a 100 dollars or more on the table. (The reason I lost so much is because even though the count was in my favor, I lost those big hands, which means I was quite unlucky.) But that's not as nerve-wracking - I know I'm making the smart play. This time, I was down to only 175 up, and Justin said "I dare you to bet it all", as a new shoe started. I threw it all down and was dealt a 5 and a 3 to the dealer's 10. I was doomed. I hit and got a 10, giving me 18, but the dealer was likely to have a 20. She flipped her hole card and had a 7! I won! It was quite exciting - much more exciting than those piddly 25 dollar hands. I think I'm an addict. I ended up turning it into almost 600 bucks before finishing around 300 up. Not too shabby. While I was doing that, Justin was winning as well. He had been down the whole trip, but was now making his way back into the black. He got up, and I told him that since I had bet 175, he had to bet 200. He went for it, and while I don't remember the exact situation, he also was dealt a hand that he wasn't supposed to win, but the dealer busted. It was pretty exciting. A little too exciting, actually. Next time...500 a hand?
